Family wedding planning....I'm in LA!!!!

Wedding countdown has officially begun. I arrived in LA Friday afternoon, and already we have gotten so much done. All the details are now coming into place, and I can see this wedding coming together before my very eyes. It's all so wonderful. My aunt and uncle from India have arrived as well, and we have turned our house into a assembly line of craft working! I have realized today how joyous joint family living can actually be. It's something I never really understood before....and being that I grew up in the US, I thought the Indian way of "living together" under one roof was kind of strange. Well, today I got a dose of how wonderful it can actually be....

Our assembly line project: We have a "grand plan" for our table numbers....something I guarantee no one has ever done before. Since Saurab is a classical musician, it was very important to us to ensure that music and his beloved composers were all embedded into the wedding. So, each table is not a boring table number. Each table will be a composer, with quite a detailed description of who that composer was and "our" favorite pieces from them (I just hope no one asks me anything about them at the wedding.....yea, I'm not the pianist....I'm just marrying one :-) ). We were going to put them in frames and have them placed on the tables. Of course, I had to get it approved for "thematic consistency" by our decorator Fayaz. His response was "not a chance unless you have them encrusted in moss" ....after all we do have a nature theme going. Well,  not only have we added some moss, we have made these so beautiful these composer will be rising from their graves to be at our wedding! :-)

So, here was the assembly line of workers...my mom, my dad, kaka, kaki, Mahesh Uncle, and Sonal Aunty..SO much fun!!!! People who are attending the wedding - get ready to learn your composers!!!! Saurab's dream would be that people's "oooohs and ahhhhhs" turn into some interest and curiosity about these composers. I think he would get very emotional if he saw our guests writing down the names of his favorite pieces to go listen to.....hint hint!!! :-)

Our Quality Control Supervisor, Sonal Aunty...

. As my kaki says, they were all covered in "ghas" (grass) :-). I kept cracking up every time she called moss, grass! :-)  We got half way through today, but the final product looks awesome. I think we did Fayaz, our decorator, proud....

  ...And then we had some Kaki and Anjani papdi cutting for dinner...I think this is the moment I realized that this joint family living thing could be pretty neat!

Making our wedding guests comfortable....Flip Flops

The comfort of our guests is very important to us....they are flying in from near and far, and are doing a lot to ensure we have the moment our life! So, it's natural that we would want to ensure that we try to make them feel extremely comfortable and hassle free as well. So, we are doing a couple of things that we know we would appreciate going to any wedding. I'll write about them as separate posts (otherwise this would be a really long read :-) ) .....

Everytime I have been to a wedding I always end up dancing too much, and I pay the price the next day with dirty cut up feet. Lets face it, it's very difficult to dance to Indian music in 4 inch heels, and when you take your shoes off, your feet feel better but now you subject them to the grime off of everyone else's shoes.....not to mention in the old days, broken glass bangles. I don't want to have my guests go through that unpleasant experience. In the spirit of trying to make our guests feel very comfortable, we will be having flip flops of various sizes and colors for people to slip into when their heels come off. Given the size of our guest list we needed to go wholesale. Let me tell you, there are not many places you can buy wholesale flip flops that are normal looking! And cleaning out your local Old Navy stores will only start raking up the bill. So, for anyone looking to do this, save yourself the hours of searching (Chinatown in both LA and Chicago ended up to be duds as well) just go to Dollar Days .... and you can get a wide assortment of colors and sizes of flip flops! You can get all sorts of fun prints and colors, but here is the basic:

One month countdown begins...

In exactly one month today, I will be a Mrs.....oh boy oh boy.....so exciting and so much to do in 30 days!!!  It was extra special because today is also my dad's birthday! Need to start writing on a daily basis now....true countdown begins!

Bachelorette Party in Napa - 10 years in the making

I know I have many wedding specifics I still need to write about - like my India shopping trip that was over a month ago, but I have to skip chronology so I can detail out this past weekend - which is a weekend I have been waiting for and planning for at least 10 years. Let's just say that I have had the details of this Bachelorette party dreamed up far more than an actual wedding!

I have always dreamed of doing my big girls day in Napa - one of my most favorite, most relaxing, most beautiful places on earth. So, when my bridesmaids, and MOH started planning I had a pretty clear "A" choice. As my MOH, Poorvi, will tell you though, it was still a tough decision to make. Having girlfriends that were spread out all over the country, most everyone would need to travel. Half of the guests were in LA, half in Chicago, with a couple of people dispersed in other spots all over the country. So the choices we gave the girls were Napa for a wine themed weekend, Sedona for a spa themed weekend, Chicago for a local weekend, and Montreal just for kicks. The list got real short real fast - - - it was either the party I have always dreamed of or the party in Chicago that more people would be able to attend. The guilt I had was that I didn't want people spending oodles of money to come out to Napa, when they were already going to be spending so much coming to the wedding....but at the same time, I didn't want to sacrifice a weekend that I had my heart set on for years and years. So, at the end of the day, I chose what I had my heart set on and lived with the fact that most people could not make it.

Given that the wedding is 6 weeks away, I needed calm, serene, rest and relaxation with my closest girlfriends. Down time, good wine, good food, good company....bliss.

So, it was me, and my two best friends Poorvi and Amber. They are both like sisters - and although it was a small gathering - it was perfect! It was small, cozy, non-complicated, and I could share my time easily and equally with both of them.

We arrived to SF from Boston, Chicago, and LA on Friday and headed straight to Napa. After checking into the Westin in Napa (really nice, by the way) we headed straight to the spa at Silverado - where we spent over three hours being completely pampered to get into the mood for the weekend. We then had an amazing Italian dinner (Allegria) where I had the most amazing saffron pasta ever. We called it an early night so that we could taste our fair share of wines the whole next day.

By 10am we were out the door, and sure enough there was a stretch PT cruiser limo waiting for us outside with our awesome driver Gerry. We first went to two of my favorites, Domaine Carneros and Elyse .... and given that they are my most favorite wineries and that I collect wine, I didn't quite escape without a fair share of wine that piled into the back of the PT cruiser. :-) Our driver, Gerry, then took us to two new places which were small, and undiscovered. The first was Jessup Cellars, which had some phenomenal wine - and they don't sell to distributors - so what you get, you get there. The second isn't really even worth mentioning since we barely made it there before they closed.....however we did make ample use making fools of ourselves running around on their beautiful scenic lawn! .... Did I mention it was nearing the end of the day?!?! It was at this winery that I met another bride who, coincidentally, was getting married on the same date as me - in LA. Strange coincidence!

After a whole day of tasting wine, buying wine, and running around in the sun we said our good byes to Gerry and went out on the town for a spectacular French dinner at Angele .... phenomenal place....anyone in Napa should certainly stop by. After lingering over food and wine....and oogling at some of their staff....we sufficiently put an end to our 3 hour dinner by going to a jazz / blues club next door.....a rusty, small, cozy bar that served a Nickel & Nickel Cab....for anyone who is into exquisite wine, you will know how this can ONLY happen in Napa....and how this filled my heart with joy! :-)  Great wine, great scenery, great food, great music and great friends.....a perfect day and an even more perfect evening.

Sunday came too quick and we had an early morning start back to SFO so the Bostonite could get back home at a decent time. Amber and I headed to LA.....where I spent two days wrapping up some more wedding stuff on the ground.

The weekend gave me the perfect grounding and relaxation to get rejuvenated and enjoy the process long enough to smell the roses. With a skiddish landing, I was back in wedding planning land.....

....but, I know that although I have dreamed of this weekend for years and years.....my dreams certainly became a reality. It was a PERFECT weekend! Thank you to my two best friends for giving me such a gift that I will always treasure!

It's time to get working...

After taking a two month hiatus from the wedding (well, Saurab didn't take any hiatus at all - - - he just encouraged me to given my workload at the job) I am BACK! And there is less than two months to go till the big day...so it's time to get working!

Topic for the day....invitations.

Can you believe that we are two months away from the wedding and our invitations JUST went out. Yep. Indian Standard Time, I guess. Actually, we were starting to get really funny questions from our guests on if they were still invited, which caused us to send out the following email:

Email Title: Am I still invited?

"…YES! Yes you are still invited! Don't double book yourself for the date...

We have been receiving some of these peculiar questions recently, and it wasn't until we looked at the calendar that we actually understood why we were getting these questions. Yes, the wedding is sneaking up on us quickly! And, yes, the formal invitations have still not gone out! So, we now understand the peculiar questions :-)

We have been diligently working on final preparations for the formal invitations, but as is the case with many Indian events, we seem to be running on “I.S.T.” (Indian Standard Time), which means we’ve run into a few minor delays with the invitation company....located in India! We expect formal invitations to start being mailed early next week so you should all have them soon.

However, in the meantime, please do not hesitate to continue making any travel plans. Airfares remain holding steady and not too bad just yet, so it is a good idea to make bookings if you haven’t already done so. Also, for those of you staying in hotels, our dedicated hotel block is already running out of room pretty quickly, so once again we’d like to remind everyone to try to lock those plans in. We are always here and ready to assist with ANYTHING we can do to help!"

Constant communication with you guests - -- ALWAYS the right thing to do. 

Getting everything secured for the wedding has not been too terribly difficult - - - up until we hit the point of the invitations. First off, I very keenly had my heart set on having invitations that matched my theme - - - nature - - - so printing invitations on seed paper that can be planted and grow into wildflowers. That would have been a dream come true. But, we quickly found out that this would cost over $10 an invitation....and that they would not be able to make it look "Indian" enough. Fair enough - - - so the Indian route we went. 

There are a few reputable Indian wedding card companies out there. Namely: Indian Wedding Card.com, Parekh Cards, and 123weddingcards. They are all pretty reputable and have a semi-decent online gallery. 

We chose Indian Wedding Card.com for no reason other than the fact that we liked more of their designs than the other companies. 

So Step #1: Browse though the 100's (literally, if not thousands) of cards they have online and pick a few you like

Step #2: Order and pay for samples of those cards

Step #3: Wait over a week to get those samples

Step #4: Realize that they look totally different in person - or FEEL totally different than you had imagined

Step #5: Get back online and find some other samples

Step #6: Order those

Step #7: Wait another week....

.....get my jest.....this process should be started the day you get engaged because it takes FOREVER. For us, we didn't like any of the samples we received for one reason or another....color, size, paper quality, smell, etc etc....so we got into the business of custom making our invite.....which is a whole another set of timelines and parameters. 

We took one card that we liked as the base then changed the color, the type of fabric / paper, the type of insets, and added an interior envelope, the font we wanted, the design we wanted, and our own Ganesh symbol that we found elsewhere. So, basically - totally new....and while it took a massive number of iterations going back and forth via email with Anurag at Indian Wedding Card what we now have as an end result is a card that no one else in the world has. Which, I must say is pretty cool.

What is even more cool is that Saurab did it ALL. I basically nodded my head every once in a while, but while I was in India doing wedding shopping and galavanting around the world for work the past two months, Saurab took this on as a personal project...and he ROCKED! That's another indication that I'm marrying a great guy! :-) 

I would put up a picture of the card, but we just mailed them out and I would like my guests to see them first. However, I can tell you I was pretty happy when Fedex came and brought this to my doorstep: 

So I got a box of STUFF..... 300 pieces of cards that needed to be assembled - - - - mendhi card, sangeet card, Saurab's invitation for the wedding, Anjani's invitation for the wedding, Reception card, Directions card, RSVP card and envelope, the jacket that holds all the cards, the proper envelope that the jacket goes into, and the main envelope with the pre-printed addresses....so that's 11 pieces of things that needed to get assembled together. 

We got the shipment on Thursday, started assembling on Friday and finished Sunday. It was like an assembly line with Saurab, his mom and I just dividing and conquering....this would have been a simple enough assembly line, but I had to complicate it a little more. In my travels for work the past two months, I went to China where I met an old man who made hand carved old school Chinese stampers. I asked him if he could customize the seal for me by replicating the Om that I have worn around my neck for years and years. He said it would be an honor and got working....so the results is this beautiful custom made Om stamper. 

I didn't want to just put a cheezy stamp on the invitations so I turned it into a wax seal stamper. So for each invitation I hand wax sealed each of the 300 invitations with the Om symbol I wear on my necklace. Pretty amazing, isn't it? 

It was hard work but was SO much fun....and with every card the reality set in that I am actually getting married! When we mailed out the invitations on Monday, we had a huge sigh of relief and quickly crossed our fingers that our guests would actually be able to attend! 

Can't wait till the first RSVP comes in.....

Are invites really this time consuming for everyone, or did we just over complicate? 

If Music Be The Food Of Love...

Hi everyone – it's me, your dear guest blogger again! I've got a bit of time in between some work things so I thought I'd write about another topic – one that is up there in my top 5 of "most important things" for my wedding…

…the song for the first dance!

This weekend, through a tougher process than I thought, Anjani and I settled on our first dance song. We could not be happier with our choice.

But before I go any further, since I know people will want to know, I am NOT going to ruin the surprise of what song we chose and why that particular one. That blog post may come after the wedding, but not now!

Instead, I'm going to focus on the process for how we arrived at our decision.

I believe that in choosing the song for the first dance, couples fall into one of four categories:
1) Neither has a strong opinion about the song and really don't care
2) One of the two has a strong opinion on the song and the other doesn't care
3) Neither has a strong opinion about the song but deeply care about the choice
4) Both have differing strong opinions and deeply care about the choice

CATEGORY 1:
I don't think anyone wants to admit they fall into this category, but I've been to enough weddings to know that more often than not, the results tell me that most couples actually do. These are the couples that end up going to Google and typing "Top 10 Wedding Songs" and picking from there, or some similar generic process. To me, this is sad. This may sound strong, but I really believe you should never have to ask for outside help on ideas for a first dance song. Your choice is an expression of YOU as a couple and should never be outsourced. After all the work that has gone into every other little detail, please don't belittle this piece by turning it over to Google (or someone else)!

But rest easy – if you are brave enough to admit that you fall into this category, read on, I'll give you some tips shortly!

CATEGORY 2:
Ok, so you're not going to leave your fate to Google. That's a great first step. But you're not quite there yet. I know everyone has to "pick their battles" in planning a wedding, but a first dance should not fall into this area. Think of it this way – it's not one of you dancing with the other watching, is it? It's BOTH of you. Shouldn't the song likewise represent BOTH of you?

If you're in this category, dig deeper. Work with each other to ensure that both people have a voice and are vocalizing their opinions. Music is all around us and is always part of our life's experiences, surely even though someone says they may not care, I'm willing to bet that they still have a lot to contribute.

CATEGORY 3 & 4
Now you're in the sweet spot. At least you know it's an important decision to take seriously and are ready to move forward. Maybe you don't know where to start, or maybe you are both stubborn enough that you don't know how to arrive at a satisfying conclusion. Either way, you're on the right track!

Note: By the way, Anjani and I very clearly fall into Category 4. As a musician, music is always at the forefront of my mind, and at its very least it provides the backdrop for so many of our most special moments. Be it bouncing around our living room to Parts&Labor's "Nowhere's Nigh", cooking dinner to our favorite jazz artists, or skipping in the rain to "Chhoti Si Aasha", we are almost always surrounded by great music and it has become an important part of our relationship. As a result, our initial list of songs was long, and it became clear that each of us had some strong opinions about them!

THE PATH TO SELECTION
Now that you're ready to bypass Google, listen to each other, and embark on picking a song, let me offer some tips for how to get there.

I think there's a few attributes that go into the selection of a great first dance song:
1) Importance
2) Message
3) Culture
4) Choreography
5) Length
6) Presentation

I don't think these should all be weighted equally, but I do think you'd be doing yourselves a disservice by ignoring any of these. For example, just picking a song because it is special to you is not enough. Anjani and I both love the song "Ne Me Quitte Pas", and it was initially considered. However, lyrically, it is not the most appropriate choice ("Please don't leave me!") – god forbid we dance to a song in which Nina Simone is begging someone not to leave her!

So let's talk about each of these attributes and hopefully I can offer some insight into how we did this.

Step 1, go get your hard drive with all of your MP3's (or open your CD collection), and load up iTunes with everything in it. You need to go through everything because it's too easy to forget great options if you try to do this in your head!

Attribute 1: Importance
This is probably the easiest one to talk about. Think through your relationship (remember, this is about the BOTH of you, not one of you), and think about the songs that may have meant a lot to you. As you go through your list, pull out songs that trigger a memory, experience, emotion, whatever. Pull out songs that seem to describe you as a couple. For our Indian readers, don't ignore Bollywood films or old Indian songs!

Attribute 2: Lyrics
This one is trickier, because it's the easiest trap for couples to fall into. Most people are not musicians, and I believe most non-musicians approach music as "melodic poetry". In other words, lyrics are the most important thing.

Yes, I agree that you want to pick a song with nice lyrics, and certainly don't want to pick something with inappropriate lyrics ("Ne Me Quitte Pas"!). But, remember, when you are doing your dance, you are not listening to the lyrics, or at least you shouldn't be listening to the lyrics in lieu of gazing into your loved one's eyes! The thing is, neither are your guests. They are watching you dance, not really listening intently to the song. The music is there to set the mood rather than take center stage as some sort of lyrical statement.

So don't get too hung up on trying to find a song that lyrically matches everything about you. You probably won't find it, and, if you do, it's more likely a song that's only artificially important to you as a couple. And at the end of it, neither you nor the audience will pay as much attention to it as you may think.

As evidence (minor spoiler alert), I will say that lyrically, the song Anjani and I selected has nothing to do with us. In fact, the lyrics have nothing to do with anything.

Attribute 3: Culture
Bollywood addicts unite! Most of our readers on this blog are likely south Asian, and thus likely pretty well-versed with Bollywood culture and music. If you are not, you probably at least realize that Bollywood is a big deal to the subcontinent, and realize that we are planning an Indian wedding, so there will be lots of elements that are, well, INDIAN.

Early on in our process, Anjani and I asked the question of whether we wanted an English or Hindi song. Both of us responded with a resounding "it doesn't matter." But I understand if some couples are deadset on one direction versus the other. There are wonderful songs in both cultures, so it's definitely a conversation worth having. I'm not sure if the selection of an Indian song makes the overall any more or less Indian, but, in conjunction with the rest of the blog here, I would only caution couples from selecting an Indian song simply because it's Indian…remember, it should be something meaningful to you. Also, keep in mind that if you select a song in Hindi, then any non-indian audience member won't know what the lyrics mean (which they're not really listening to anyway!).

Attribute 4: Choreography
This was an interesting one for us. You probably have an idea of what kind of dance you're planning on doing – be it a choreographed ballroom dance routine or just an open-ended slow dancing in close embrace. Make sure the song you choose fits this decision (and vice-versa). It is a first dance, not a favorite song. For us, many of the "semi-finalist" songs that made the list were subsequently cut because they simply did not work with our selected dance style. We ended up selecting a song that will work perfectly with our dance style – and meets the other criteria, of course.

Attribute 5: Length
I don't know what the magic formula is, but I would venture to guess that a song longer than 4 minutes is too long for this. Audience members, especially Indian ones, are finicky people and will start to get restless after this amount of time. Does that mean you can't pick something longer? No. But I'd suggest working with your DJ to either fade out or edit the song outright to get it to that length.

Attribute 6: Performance
Our final one is another tricky one. Is this a performance for your guests? Or is it just for you two? Well, of course, the answer is both. Surely, this is YOUR first dance, not your audience's. It should be special for you, but who cares about anyone else? Well, if you completely ignore the audience, then why are you doing it in the reception, in front of all of your guests? They are part of this and they will be watching you. Don't forget that there indeed is an "entertainment" component to this. So, in picking your music, try not to pick something that will instantly cause your audience to fall asleep or tune out.

This is another opportunity to let yourselves shine and to convey who you are as a couple. Some of my favorite first dances have been when the couple have picked a great song that clearly they love and then do something fun with it, like a fun salsa dance. If you're a fun-loving couple, why pick something that's sleepy or boring? Just remember, it is a balance between a moment for each other as well as a performance for your guests, like it or not!

And there you have it. I think if you can both get to a point where you appreciate the value of this decision and take care with it, you're on the right track. From there, start going through the list of songs and thinking about these different attributes. You're sure to find a great fit – for you, for each other, for the dance, for the guests, and for your wedding day.

Let Them Eat Cake

Hi everyone – your guest blogger again…

I wanted to follow up Anjani’s previous post with one that focuses on a specific aspect of the weekend, and a significant decision resulting from it – THE CAKE.

As she mentioned, we went to 2 cake tastings over the weekend. The first of them was fairly forgettable while the second was a great experience. If you’re a cake aficionado and care about “spending more to get more” in the SoCal area, I would strongly recommend working with Linda at The Cake Studio. Anjani, myself, and her parents had a great experience there – she is truly an artist and her cakes are phenomenal. Anjani and I both agree that the reason her cakes taste so wonderful is that she admits to never being trained in classical bake tasting. She just works with what tastes great, and boy did they taste great – and this is from 4 people who really don’t love cakes at all anyway. Especially fondit – oh man, why did they create this atrocity???

Anyway, she is also a truly creative person, which worked so well for us and our approach to everything. She immediate took out a pad of paper and started sketching ideas for not only the cake, but the table as well. We were truly having a great time working with her.

Her price was quite expensive, but in this case I feel confident about saying “you get what you pay for.” Seems truly worth the cost.

But that’s just it. It is a high cost.

When we got back in the car, I looked at Anjani and here was our dialogue:

Saurab: Can I ask you a hard question?
Anjani: Yes…
Saurab: Do we really need cake at all? Indians prefer Indian desserts anyway and none of us even like cake. Wouldn’t it just be a waste of money?
Anjani: No. We need cake. I want the picture.
Saurab: You want to spend $XYZ for a picture?
Anjani: Ummm…

Well, now the door was open for a full-on discussion! Anjani’s father then made a great point – why not find out why people have cake and cake-cutting at weddings in the first place? If it makes sense to do it, then we should do it. But if there is no real purpose, then why waste the money?

…Anjani was still skeptical, but I knew I had a chance…

I immediately pulled out my trusty Blackberry and got to work. Besides finding a history of cakes which includes breaking cake over the bride’s head for fertility purposes, we found two main purposes behind the cake (beyond just being dessert):
1) The cutting of the cake is the first real “task” that we do together as a married couple
2) The feeding of the cake signifies the act of “providing for each other”

Ok, something to work with. In terms of item #2, well, Indians do that on the mandap as part of the wedding already (we feed each other a sweet). So no need for a cake ceremony to do that!

In terms of item #1, was it really worth $XYZ, or could we come up with another “task” to take its place – one that could result in an equally interesting picture and a significantly reduced cost. And one that is more meaningful to us.

I could tell Anjani was starting to be converted, if we could come up with a great idea.

Which…we did.

Which is…sorry, I won’t share just yet.

When we reviewed this whole discussion with Amy, she seconded the motion, suggesting a few things:
1) In her experiences, there are several Indian weddings without cake, and, provided there are Indian desserts, no one noticed
2) Even when there was cake, she mentioned an occasion in which the cake was set on a table next to the Indian desserts, and not one person took cake!

Wow, truly not an effective use of money indeed!

…Anjani was finally sold…

NO CAKE FOR US.

We’re just going to have to be happy with GULAB JAMUNs, RASGULLAHs, and RASMALAI. YUM.

And we couldn’t be more excited about our surprise activity in lieu of cake.

So, to our readers (especially Indian couples), I would say this – ask yourselves why you want a cake. If you truly love cake and think your guests will as well, then, by all means, follow your heart. But our experience (and others’, evidently), show that you don’t really need a cake – don’t spend the money just because you think you have to!

Hope this helps…stay tuned for more posts from your guest blogger!

Packing months of planning into four days!

Last weekend, on the heels of coming back from Argentina, Saurab and I finally found the time to get on a plane to LA. It has been several months (upward of 3 or 4 months) since we've been there - - -  which means that we have been doing every ounce of planning work over the phone. I think Amy, our planner, was getting REALLY nervous that she hadn't yet met us face to face. 


As we landed the excitement was quickly building. We had so much to do, so many people to meet, so many decisions to make and get all our ducks in order in one fell swoop over 4 days. As you might have gathered by now, I work 24 hours a day practically, so this is the ONLY LA wedding trip we have planned. We had no choice but to get it ALL done. 


Let me just say that I have a total new appreciation for the people who are able to deal with LA traffic.....the itinerary of this trip gave a new meaning to the word tired. However, it was WELL worth it and we got it all done. 


So, what did we do.....
Friday: 
As soon as we got in we went to check out the Sangeet venue. We had only seen this place off the internet and booked based on my parents doting of how beautiful it was. Immediately entering the property, we realized hands down, that we made the perfect choice. The place is beautiful, and completely in sync with our artistic sides. We elected to choose the grand foyer to do the Sangeet, versus the originally planned ballroom. It was an absolutely no brainer - this place is going to make an out of this world sangeet. We even have a fireplace!!!


Saturday: 
Oh if someone could have just warned me to brace myself. This was a VERY long day....but oh so needed. Early in the morning our decorator, Fayaz, came to my parents house and we started designing. It was comical because I pretty much pushed Saurab aside for the whole day and made Fayaz my boyfriend. He with his color swatches and me with my art color pencils, we were submerged into complete and utter creativity. Lucky for our budget, we had Amy, our planner, not too far behind reeling us in when she would hear things that were off the wall crazy and would break the bank! Spending the day in design land with Fayaz was like a closet design girl's candyland. SO MUCH FUN!!! 


So the design work went from about 9am to 9pm....going to and from the various venues and just letting all the creative juices flow. Between Fayaz who was creating imaginary mandaps and decor themes, to Umair who was talking about electric panels, outlets and DJ equipment, to Amber (Umair's lighting expert) who kept using words like uplighting and gobos (I now learned some new words) to Amy who was just trying to find the best spot on this estate for us to get married and kept talking about guest flow.....it was one insanely fun day! One of the funnest, yet most exhausting days I have had in a LONG LONG time.  I wish I could go into details, but I don't even know where to start....and I don't want to ruin it for those the readers who will be attending the wedding. Let's just say, this wedding is turning into a production!


Sunday: 
Early Sunday, we started our cake tastings by driving to a place which was an hour away (I think everything in LA is at least an hour away!), mendhi trials and hair and make up trials. In between each of the trials my mom and I went into as many clothing stores as possible to scope out wedding wear. Needless to say we didn't get very far on the clothes front - but all I wanted to do was determine whether or not I needed to go to india (will write more on this in a separate post). 


While we were doing all of this running around, my dad and Saurab were stuck in gridlock traffic in Santa Monica / Malibu looking at various hotels for our guest accommodations. Let's just say that there is nothing like gridlock to force bonding! By the time everyone got home we were literally ready to fall. 


Monday: 
Early Monday morning we were supposed to meet the pandit (the guy who marries us) an hour away at the temple. We ended up having a great phone chat with him since we were WAY too exhausted and had another gut wrenchingly long day in front of us. I don't understand why most couples don't spend quality time with their pandit before the wedding. This was an invaluable experience for us to go through - we went through a traditional Gujarati and North Indian ceremony, talked about the differences, determined what we wanted to incorporate and talked about us and things we wanted to do that were solely important to us. Very valuable!


We then did more cake tastings, and the spent the next 6 hours with Fayaz and Amy again. This time we went straight to his office, where he had taken all of our conversations and mocked up a sample centerpiece and drew out our designs. All I have to say is that there were tears flowing rampantly. This guy is a genius. Not only did he design something that was flawlessly breathtaking, his vision completely mirrored my vision and through this centerpiece and table mock up he showed me how good he is at listening and taking random thoughts and creating something magical. I am so so so lucky. So, he became my boyfriend for the day again, and out came the swatches, coloring pencils and design pages....again. :-) 4 hours later, Amy was waiting for us with the minute by minute itinerary for all the events for us to review. OMG. By this time, I felt like my head was going to roll off my body, but luckily this is Saurab's sweet spot and he ate it up. Amy and Saurab's relationship is a bit like my relationship with Fayaz. They are the project managers and we are the ones who get lost in a creative cloud - - - and prefer to stay there! :-)  It was the best working session one could ever ask for, and to sit with Amy after months and months of phone conferences was priceless!


After we left their offices, we headed over for some food tasting, and then called it a night. 


Luckily I stayed back a couple more days so that I could meet Joe Photo (our photographer) and meet with our videographer, Bryan Geddes from Guava Street Production to seal the deal. I took them through the whole vision and the whole itinerary, and by the end of my trip the entire team was set! 


I came back to Chicago with not a concern in my mind - other than the budget :-) We have a FABULOUS team that is going to create the most amazing set of moments for us. Less than 5 months to go.....whoo hoo!


For all brides planning out of state weddings - don't miss the opportunity to have a full in weekend like this. Tell everyone to clear their calendars and make sure you get everything you need to get done in one fell swoop. And of course, ensure you have nothing less than the best partners to work with who will make the entire weekend seamless. 


Upcoming posts: The details and decisions of all the tastings and trials. 

Fairy tale versus practicality

Once again, I have been so delinquent in writing on my blog. Work. Work. Work. Last week, I was in Brazil and Argentina for work. I have dreamt of going to Buenos Aires for a very long time, so it was very much a sort of dream come true. I worked very hard during the week, and then spent time living my dream of tango dancing in one of the most vibrant cities in the world!

So - what does this have to do with the wedding, you may ask. Well, I write this feeling a bit topsy turvy. I have not only dreamed of visiting Argentina, but I have dreamed of living in Argentina for a very long time. Sometimes I look at this wedding, and I gasp....especially when I look at the budget. Do you know, I can buy an entire condo in the heart of Buenos Airesfor the same amount of money that is going into this wedding?!?!? ----and this is a normal indian wedding....it's not even an over the top indian wedding! How ridiculous is that!  I know it's usually the guy that feels this way - - - but in this case, it's the reverse. The practicality versus the fairy tale. Saurab is 100% pro big wedding. I dangle between the romance and fairy tale of it all versus the practicality. Not very girly like - I know.

So when I came back home I asked Saurab if we really needed to do all this....and go through the whole party process. I am just as happy exchanging vows on the beach. So, we had the conversation and at the end of it, I realized that every piece of this wedding IS worth it. He reminded me that I am a person of moments - I love having moments where time stands still and there is a feeling of extreme bliss that you know you will carry with you for the rest of your life. What bigger moment can you have other than the birth of a child? I guess that is why people put their heart and soul into these weddings. It's the moment of it all. It's unforgettable and it's magical. Saurab had to remind me of that. I want to live in Argentina because of the amazing moments I can have living in a city that gave birth to a dance I am so passionate about.....but in the same vain - this wedding will arguably give us even bigger grander and more special memories that will live forever. So, I came to the conclusion that this is every bit of what I want, and yes, the money may be better served practically, but living out a big Indian wedding - the way it's supposed to be, in the glamor of it all - is every bit worth it for all the "moments" - the moments every Indian girl dreams about. Not everything in life is about monetary investments - investments of the heart are okay...more than okay if they result in incredible ever lasting moments. Ladies, you may have to remind your guys of that --- in my case my lovely finance has to remind me! :-)

Anyway, this is a more somber post, I know.....but I thought it was important to post because I can't imagine that I am the only one who goes through the thought of fairy tale versus practicality. So, for those going through it.....you are not alone.....and remind yourself in the times of questioning that the big wedding IS worth it.....even every bit of stress associated with it....because every one of these memories will be associated with the fondest set of life moments you will ever have! :-)

Wedding Registries

Happy Friday everyone. This week has been really crazy - lots of 16 hour work days. But, TGIF! I am so excited for this weekend, for no particular reason other than taking my mind off of work and back on the wedding! It makes it even nicer to see that some of you responded to my last post, either directly on my blog or on maharani weddings. It helps to know that someone is reading, and it's even better to know when others are going through the same choices and to hear their stories. So, keep commenting!

Today, I've been thinking about wedding registries. One cold Chicago Sat afternoon we went into Crate and Barrel just for fun and ended up going crazy with the registry gun. Weeks later, I've deleted everything from that list....because I realized we already have much of everything we need. Being that we're both in our 30's...we've individually collected the nice things that make up an essential house.....nice cookware, plateware, furniture, art, etc etc etc.

Since we both have two established residences that we are trying to merge....we need to purge rather than get more "stuff". We had a great idea - sign up for experiences that people can chip into....experiences that are meaningful to us....like an interior decorator to help merge our "stuff" and make it look like a home, like a cool activity for our honeymoon, like a fund to crate a wine cellar that we've always wanted. We're trying to think WAY out of the box - literally.

This is, until, we realized that some people will inevitably bring boxed gifts no matter how large the "no boxed gifts" words are written on the invitation. So, back to Crate and Barrel for some level of a registry. But, I didn't want to go crazy with the gun again. After lots of thinking, I had to rely on my sources for this one...which led me to send this email to the women in my life who have turned great houses into great homes.....

"To my trusted married women who have created wonderful homes: 

The time has come where I need to start thinking about registries. You all have wonderful homes with things that I am sure you couldn't do without. I'd like some insight into what those things are. 

I am curious. As you look around your wonderful homes, what are the top FIVE items (things that can be bought....no listing of children) that you either.....

.....could not live without,

..... use on a repeated basis and think is essential to make any house a home.

.....think is one of the best indulgences that can (and should) only come through a registry (the kitchen aid mixer falls into this category for me!)

.....think was the best wedding gift ever

...especially as a working wife, and a working mother. And you don't have to limit yourself to the kitchen. Top FIVE."

The top 25 list that came back was interesting....in no particular order....

1. Fine china and Ridel crystal

2. Kitchen Aid mixer

3. An upgrade to a better version of everything you already have

4. Gift cards

5. Everyday dining set

6. Simple Human hand soap dispenser (I love this one!)

7. A nice iron

8. Dyson

9. Gel pro mat

10. Slipat cookie sheet liners

11. Serving trays

12. Crock pot

13. Cookbooks (like this one too!)

14. Mandolin slicer (I'm not even sure what this is)

15. Nice tea kettle

16.Nice mixing bowls and prep bowls

17. Cereal bowls

18. High quality sheets

19. All Clad cookware

20. Keurig single serve coffee maker

21. Breville panini press

22. Electronic reader like the Kindle

23. Under cabinet TV/DVD player

24.Music system with wireless speakers for the kitchen

25. Extra seating - nice folding chairs

So, what do you guys think....what can you not live without that has made your house into a home?

Saurab's interpretation of the registry......yes, he tried to register for me....so silly!

Happy Friday....have a great weekend!

Decorator - Finalized

Another HUGE box checked. I would have updated the blog sooner if I wasn't travelling so much for work these days. Work has really gotten to be a bear......and very little time out of the day is left for doing anything wedding related. So, I am VERY VERY VERY happy that we signed on with Fayaz Chamadia from Hub Design as our decorator.

A couple of posts back I talked about the decorator RFP process we had used. We spoke to many talented decorators and narrowed it down between Shawna Yamamoto and Fayaz. We had extensive visioning conversations with each of them, and were really torn between who to go with. At the end of the day, we decided with Fayaz based on our gut feeling - no checklists on this one, guys. We had an absolutely lovely conversation with him, that got me to a higher level of excitement and energy as each moment of the conversation went on. He was able to tap into the theme I had in my head seamlessly.....it's as if he had been in my head all along and was able to take what I was envisioning in my mind and pull it into a cohesive design and theme across all the events. I guess that's what I would say can be the critieria for deciding......after using the RFP process, which decorator is able to give life to what you are envisioning? is the decorators vision seamlessly connected with yours? are you able to see your wedding day come to life with the vision they have drawn up? and lastly, are they passionate about your vision just as much as you are? I think that is the recipe for a great partnership with a decorator because they will be turning imagination into something that can be seen, touched, felt, and smelled.

The one phrase that completely embodies the design I have always imagined (since I was a little girl) was something I didn't put in the RFP.....this phrase has always been "Garden of Eden" where nature and beauty grow wild. I wanted to see if the decorators could pull the same phrase as the capstone for what I wanted to create. Ironically, Fayaz's opening line in our conversation with him was "I envision this being like the garden of eden....something that looks like it is 1000's of years old" ........ could I have gotten anything that was more eye to eye than that!!! His opening line perked me up, and the rest of the conversation sealed the deal!

For my theme, which we all know by now, is grounded in nature - hearing things like:  "I picture a vintage mandaap in a romantic Indian garden, where Heer and Ranjha play" just makes me warm and fuzzy.


Have others experienced this type of instant connection with their decorator? I'd love to hear about others experiences and how you narrowed down your selection.

Save the Date!!!

I am so happy to report that after two long hard months of working on our save the date, it is finally done, to a level that both Saurab and I are very happy with. I sent out a first batch last night. I was so nervous when we pressed the send button (yes, it is an online save the date)....because now it makes this whole thing a reality - and the real count down has begun. 199 days left. Yikes! We also created our wedding website and linked it to the save the date - - - there were so many wedding websites to choose from but we ended up using wedding tracker for all of their cool functionality!

We'll keep sending out batches of the save the dates this week, so that the server doesn't get over loaded. Because it's through email, I am crossing my fingers that all of my guests get it. Hopefully, they will comment on the site itself, so I'll know they got it.

I would love to put the save the date on my blog, as an example for other brides, but at what point do I risk crossing the line of making something very personal, very public. I don't know.....any thoughts from readers? especially from people who may have already gotten the save the date?

What I will show, for my own indulgence sake, is a screen shot of the save the date. Two months in the making, hours and hours of time in our studio.....this wedding is all about nature, so let's all be a little eco friendly - - - -Yes, it's a video!

The Wedding Decorator RFP

So the RFP process worked brilliantly. We had five great proposals and had a couple of outstanding conversations based on the proposals. Cross our fingers, we hope we have finalized on our decorator based on these conversations this week. We are SO excited. We are waiting for a round of proposal revisions and then will make our final decision. I don't want to jinx the process by describing the vision - but as soon as we sign the contract, I'll share the entire vision for the decor - - - it is absolutely spectacular, and the decorators were able to get the images I had in my head spot on.....all because of the RFP! Highly recommended!!!

To maximize efficiency in the conversations with these decorators, we focused on the following agenda (for anyone using the RFP method, this agenda will help extract what is important).
1. Have them walk through their proposal in detail - getting them to speak their vision will bring their vision to life
2. Describe your vision and how the two can be blended
3. Talk about any concerns, other ideas, have them send pics of what they are referring to as their inspiration while you are talking
4. Talk about budget

If you stay to this agenda, a good meaningful conversation should take anywhere between an hour to hour and a half, and you should walk away having a very good feel for the creativity and the vision of the decorator....along with what it is like to work with them.

I am so excited! This is the fun part!!!!!

Wedding Decorators

I feel like I haven't written - again - in so long. But this totally goes hand-in-hand with also feeling like I am WAY behind on wedding planning and totally consumed with work. I spent two very tough weeks in Europe for work and then came back for a few days and then went to Cabo for a week of vacation for my birthday! Although it was all fun, it's now the holidays....tons of work....and well, 7 months till IDD - "i do day".

I thought I would write this next post about decorators. There are SO many decorators out there - ones who are truly decor consultants and should be working in the creative department of an ad agency and others are florist who are brilliant at their craft and make amazing centerpieces, but need your guidance on an overall vision.

I knew from the get-go that I wanted a theme and a vision around the entire event. So, as Amy and I began talking about decorators and the spectrum of options, my head began to hurt. How could someone put a price tag on something that isn't yet tangible? Would they be able to create the vision I had in my mind? How much creative ownership would they let me have? How much freedom would I have to bring in my own pieces? How consultative would they be? How much input could I give? How nice would they be to work with? These are all valid questions that most brides probably have....and should have....because yet again, the answers vary depending on the decorator.

So, given my business brain, I thought the most efficient and effective way for me to go about this was to create an RFP - Request for Proposal, just like I would create a bid for consulting services at work :-). As Amy will validate, this turned out to be one of the most strategic and helpful things I did....both for me, as well as the decorators we were speaking with. I didn't have 100's of hours to talk to them, and I wanted to quickly get a snapshot of their ideas, their thinking, their creativity, their ability to take my vision and put a design against it.....and I knew that the decorators that would embrace and have fun with this were the ones I would want to work with.

So I created a 4-page RFP that went through an introduction of the two of us getting married - our background - our vision - our story. Then talked a bit about the venue. Then spend the next section talking about themes, visions, elements that were important to me. I described how nature needed to be fundamentally central to each event and I wrote about a page extracting all the images I had in my head into something concise that someone else could understand.

What I asked for in return was simple....I wanted a real business proposal back. Once that showcased their talents. What did they envision for the event? How would they make our dream come alive? What had they done in the past to support these capabilities? How much would it cost? The same stuff I would ask for in any other RFP. And in return I told them what my criteria were in making my selection decisions.


What I got back was very telling. I received a wide spectrum of ideas, which was great. I really was able to discern how these different individuals would approach our wedding and what type of creative out of the box juices they have. It was wonderful. What it did was save my time and energy in having to talk to various people...instead I used their responses to narrow it down to the top two or three that I can now have meaningful detailed conversations with.

I would HIGHLY recommend doing this for anyone - especially those who don't have the luxury of 100's of hours and those who are planning an out of state wedding. 

Videographers in need....

Finding a photographer was a stressful process....but it was stressful in a good way because there were so many great choices. Finding a videographer has not been so easy! We debated for many months on if we even wanted to have a videographer...after huming and hawing over the decision we realized that we would likely regret it if we didn't capture one the most important days of our lives on film.

Given that the videographer is important but not as important as the decor or the photographer, the budget for this service isn't as big as it is for the other two. I thought this would be okay, and I could find someone who was creative and shot the right footage. Well. I've been having some trouble. Most of the videographers that I have seen are either REALLY good and REALLY expensive, or very average. As expected, most of the cost is in post-production editing...and we are even willing to do the post production editing at some other point in time (say a one year anniversary present), but we want the right footage to be shot...in an interesting, non-home-movie perspective. And for this, I don't feel like I should have to pay multiple thousands of dollars. Just seems a bit ridiculous!

I thought I found the perfect person, who fit in my price range and did wonderful work. But, he has been very non-responsive and we just found out the other day that he does not guarantee that he would do the shooting. If another, say bigger, wedding comes up, he would send someone else to ours. Talk about lack of customer focus. I felt like chopped liver!

So, now we continue our search for someone in the So Cal area who is reasonably priced, creative in their approach and has a knowledge of Indian weddings! Know of anyone who fits the bill? Input would be greatly appreciated!!!

Post Storm Decisions

Hi everyone - Wow. I can't believe it's been almost a month since I have written a post. I think there comes a time in every bride's planning process where taking a break becomes inevitable - be it a nice break because things naturally die down to a lull, or a forced break, like I had, where decisions had to be reconsidered. All in all, a break. Additionally, it's usually during this time that Murphy's law kicks in, and it can feel like the whole ceiling is toppling down. That's what happened this past month. It seemed like every corner I turned, with the wedding and with everything else in my life, it felt like the road was so steep and so arduous. There were times I really felt like I was on an island, and there were other times where I felt like I all wanted was to be on an island. Alone. I think every bride to be goes through this. The set up of a wedding is a lot of fun, but it's also a lot of work. However, underneath the wedding, is an entire life change. They say the three biggest stressors in life are getting married, having kids and loosing a parent. Well, based on that, I imagine every bride goes through what I went through this past month....and the one piece of advise I have is....to just find comfort in the love of your fiance and wether the storm.

So, now that my storm is over - well, at least manageable, onward with the planning.

But first some decisions....

After a whole month of looking at other venue options and feeling like I was beating my head against a wall, we decided that the best thing for us was to stick with what felt right. When we walked into Rancho our hearts just knew that this was the place we were meant to be married. A lot questions made us rethink the practicality of our choice, but in the end we believe there are enough workable solutions to ease the comfort of our guests. The minute we made the decision to stay with what we had, it felt like 500 ton bricks were lifted off our shoulders!

So, how will we ensure the comfort of our guests?
We originally thought that the only option for hotels was in Santa Monica, which is an hour away. My brainiac fiance came up with a brilliant idea that I think will work wonders. Since none of the events are at a hotel, we don't need everyone to stay at one central hotel. In fact, it would be better for them if they could enjoy the beauty of Malibu, and treat this wedding as a mini-vacation. The idea - BEACH HOUSES. In Malibu, like every other vacation city, there are hundreds of georgeous beach front poperties for rent. Families could easily rent these out for the weekend, and it would keep them right in Malibu.

For the people who don't mind doing the gorgeous drive, we would still keep block rooms at a hotel in Santa Monica. And for others who wanted a closer option, and didn't care about the "niceness" of the lodging, there are several beach front surfer type motels in Malibu.
So three very different options, and each guest can choose which is best for them. Amy, our wedding planner, is already on top of finding the details behind renting beach houses. Fingers crossed that it will be an easy process!!!

Driving up the hill versus shuttles was another concern. We still haven't fully found the answer for this yet. We are thinking of having shuttles for people going up and down the hill, but the logistics of that still need to be determined.

Anyway, we made some great progress, and got peace of mind that we have a solid decision made.

We've also been working on a really creative save the date, which I'll write about this week. And I've been working with Amy on choosing a decorator. Since the decor is where the majority of the budget goes, I have developed a detailed RFP (request for proposal) that we are sending out to prospective decor firms to see what it is like to work with them, get a sense for their creativity, and their thinking. I'll write a post on that this week as well!

Glad to be back!!! :-)

The Eye Of The Storm

Image: www.http://www.sgeier.net/

Hi all - your guest blogger returns!

I know it has been a bit slow on the blog front, but I was thinking about that this morning and I came to the conclusion that it makes sense. After the big rush that was the first few months - from venues to planner to DJ, caterers, and photography, we clearly had a lot on our shoulders and a lot to get through.

With [most] of that now in place, though there are always things to be done, I think it's healthy for us to have taken some time away from all of this to focus on, well, us. We struggled with a lot of things in this wedding planning, but nothing more than who this wedding really is about. It's so easy to just dismiss that statement as "duh! it's about YOU, not your guests." However, I imagine that any of our married Indian friends may know the difficulty in making such a statement. The reality is that at least to some degree, an Indian wedding is not just about the couple - it is about the community. It is about bringing a community together to celebrate both the union itself and also sort of thanking those who have made the bride and groom who they are. I wish I had a more articulate way of putting it, but I don't. In the end, it's just not as easy to be selfish when you're throwing an Indian wedding.

That being said, I'm very happy with our proposed options (coming soon) for how to achieve that balance. We have some great ideas to ensure we get what we want and our guests are happy. Innovative ones. Ideas that will most certainly make their way to this blog.

But this post is not about what those options are. This is about us saying that we need to take a step back and appreciate how far we've come with the planning, and need to just spend some time together, like "the good old days", when the word "wedding" wasn't in every other sentence. I know this sounds a bit selfish here, but even if only a portion of the wedding is truly about us, our lives are almost entirely about us and we can't lose sight of that.

So, we need to go out for sushi again. We need to cook together, drinking wine and listening to music with Anjani in her super cute apron. We need to watch HGTV, FoodTV, and lots and lots of movies again. We need to see our friends again. We need to take trips again (Vienna in 2 weeks and Cabo 2 weeks after that!). We need to go to shows around town (dance show on Sunday!). We need to reclaim our life back during this "eye of the storm". Even if just for a short time, we need it. I think all couples need it.

That is not to say there's no activity at all on the wedding front. We are still working closely with Amy (our planner) to take care of some small things. We still have to finalize inspiration boards, color themes, decorations, etc. Over the last few days, Anjani and I worked very hard on a really cool save-the-date idea, and that's in pretty good shape. I'm really excited with how that project turned out and hopefully our guests will love it, too. Stay tuned on that.

Yes, there's always things that can be done for the wedding. But I urge all couples to take advantage of the "eye of the storm" whenever you get it and take some time for each other and for the relationship. Remind yourselves why you love each other and why you're doing the wedding in the first place!

Until the next one, see you all soon...

The Planning Hiccups

Rancho Sol Del Pacifico

 

I know it's been a LONG time since I have written an update. I know, I know.

Here's the deal. I need advise!!!

Everything was going smoothly. More than smooth...we were on a roll getting things crossed off on the checklist.

Until....

Until some very close family members brought up some concerns about having the wedding at the ranch in Malibu. From the getgo, we always planned this to be OUR special day that the guests would share with us. But, WE were the driving force....not our guests. It was OUR special day that would always be remembered, and a day that the guests would likely forget over time....so we were planning it so it would be magical for us. Well, REALITY check.

For anyone planning a wedding at a non-traditional venue (not at a hotel), here are some things (some very REAL and legitimate things) that will inevitably come up:

• Where are kids going to be able to nap in between the wedding and the reception? 
• Where are people going to be able to change or freshen up in between the wedding and the reception?
• If it is a summer wedding, where will people freshen up after the bharat? 
  
• What is the radius of all of the events over the three to four days, and how will guests be getting there? It's fine if guests need to rent a car, but how far will they be driving in an unknown city. 
• How long does it take to get from one place to another? 

These are all things we thought about moderately, but none were big enough concerns for us. We thought the awe-factor with such majestic Malibu views would eliminate these issues from being big. Probably naive on our part, but that's what we thought. A majority of the people (friends, family) have advised us not to worry about it and to let the guests take care of themselves.

But over the weeks, this issue has just been nagging at us both so we went back to see what our option were. We called Amy, our wedding planner, who was wonderful through the whole process, to help us navigate options.

She came up with a BRILLIANT plan.....have the reception at a hotel closer to the sangeet venue...one that is close to the beach....and one that does indian weddings really well.....and of course, one that is in our budget. And for the wedding, pick a location that is right on the water (so I get my mandap overlooking the ocean on a bluff). This plan was perfect, and everyone would have been happy. In this plan the wedding would have been at Terranea (a gorgeous hotel in Rancho Palos Verdes, on a bluff, overlooking the ocean) and the reception would have been at the Hyatt Long Beach. It took Amy two weeks to get an answer from Terranea - and they said no. - they didn't want to host just the wedding, without a reception. Funny thing is, that the hotel, which is BRAND NEW, is going through bankruptcy (or close to it), yet they feel it is bad PR! Go figure! So, our wonderful plan is no longer an option.

Which puts us back a square 1. I would love to get some of the readers thinking on this one....I don't know what to do!

Here are the current facts (I am pointing out all the negatives to give a picture of what people have trouble over....obviously there are a lot of pros, which were explained in my blog post about the venue here). So, the issues....
1. More than 80% of our guests will be flying in from the Eastt coast or Midwest
2. The central hotel will be in Santa Monica
3. The Sangeet will be in Cerritos on Friday night  - - - a 45 min drive from Santa Monica
4. The wedding and reception is in the hills of Malibu on Sat - - - another 45 min drive from Santa Monica in the other direction
5. Given the distance, we are going to have the wedding and the reception in close timing so that people would not be bored. But this means they cannot go change in between, unless we try to get some rooms in this the private estate house, which is questionable.

Here are the things running around my head:
1. We have already put down a hefty deposit for the Malibu ranch, and there is a chance that we might not get it back
2. I want my guests to be happy and stress free, but I need to balance that with what we wanted from our wedding ..... mandap overlooking the ocean, nature, art.....all of that. I can't sacrifice that, RIGHT?
3. I can't blow up my budget and have the entire thing be at Terranea. That, unfortunately, can't happen.
4. We were done with the venue searches....the box was checked.....and it feels exhausting to even think that we have to go looking for something all over again. We tried one option, gave it a damn good effort, and it didn't work out....do we keep looking? And at what point do we tell our concerned family members, that we tried our best but that we couldn't find a reasonable solution? And if so, how do we work out their concerns to the best of our ability? 

Or do we make out of state family guest comfort our #1 criteria and diminish focus on everything else (basically shift from having it be "our" day to throwing a really great party)

So, what do I do? I'm going nuts....and need advise!!!