Engagement Party

Ok folks. I know I never said anything about the engagement party - and I haven't returned most people's phone calls regarding last weekend. I know, I know...

I needed the time to process everything. It was a BIG weekend, and for anyone that thinks that engagement party is just a party.....think again. For a bride, I guarantee, it will be an emotional day.....especially an Indian bride. It's like a little mini wedding - and well, I was overwhelmed. It's a bit nerve wrecking because there were only 30 people there - - - - there will be 300 people at the wedding!!! Geez.

So, what makes these things so nerve wrecking. First of all, as a bride you make sure everyone is on their best behavior - - - and we literally take it upon ourselves to manage everyone's expectations. Lesson learned - - - let it go, and use the time instead to soak the event in.

Next, we get dressed up like little mini brides. I got dressed up at home with my mom helping me....um......emotional! Then seeing my dad, having him see me.....ummmm.......emotional! Word of advise....I have none. I don't know how to deal with this part. Indian parents always seem to feel that they are "giving away" a daughter, and with that comes emotion....don't fight it, I guess.

Next up, the puja - - - it's like a mini wedding. Someone told me yesterday that had we sat there for an hour more, we could have just gotten married! It was nice, but make no mistake that you are THE center of attention. Brace yourself!

All else is amazing and overwhelming - - -  the swarming of people to say congrats and give gifts ranging from silver coins to nuts to saris to jewelry, one after another....I still don't remember who gave what, they were coming so quickly. One of the best gifts we received is a picture from Saurab's uncle of Lord Hanuman with his mother, Anjani (yes, thats where my name came from, sort of...). I had never seen a picture of Anjani displayed in any temple. Supposedly there is only one temple in India that has a statue of Hanuman with Anjani, and Saurab's uncle went there to take the picture and send it to us. So so so amazing!

All in all it was a very emotional and blessed weekend. My parents were in town from LA for the whole thing, along with my maid of honor Poorvi, who came in for this from Boston. It meant the world to me that they were all here. Saurab's brother also flew in from DC with the whole family, which was great. When we first planned this, there were only supposed to be immediate family members at the ceremony, but, unbeknown to us we had chosen a weekend that overlapped with the IIT conference and the Chicago marathon, so 20 or so additional members of Saurab's family was there. It was nice that they could all meet my parents, so that during the wedding they'll have some level of familiarity. All in all, about 30 people, lots of food, lots of mithai (sweets), lots of gifts, lots of emotions, and lots of love.

So, the pictures that make me remember....

The bringing of the gifts....my mom had made by hand such an amazing draping over the box of gifts they had for Saurab. It was amazing. 

 Now, I am finally officially engaged......goes by in a blink of an eye!

It's been a while...

I know it's been a while since I have last posted anything...

What to say....there has been SO SO SO SO much going on in the last two weeks. Some highlights....

• All sangeet venues had to be scrapped and we had to start the search from scratch due to incorrect capacity quotes or incorrect availability responses. VERY frustrating. But, I think we may have a place nearly selected, so stay tuned. If it wasn't for all the help from my parents going from venue to venue, this one topic would have put me over the edge.
• I have now looked at over 50 photographers. Both original photographers, Andrina and Megan, are still in the running but are not getting us everything we need and want. I have a very narrow list of three photographers I would like to decide between this weekend. In my head, and in my heart, I think I have the decision made....I just have to go through all of the samples one last time (hopefully tomorrow) and make a final decision.
• We've looked at the budget inside out about 50 times...re-adjusted, re-thought, re-everything you can imagine....and the aweful truth that we can't deny is that indian weddings are just darn expensive. Let's just say, though, that the spreadsheet is now SEVEN excel tabs long! Can we say obsessive?
• I met with a decorator and started thinking about themes, flow, colors and storyboarding out the entire day. This is going to be the funnest part!
• The DJ is almost locked in. Saurab has been working this part, and I have tried my best to stay out of his way.
• I got my hair cut the other day and my stylist, Dana said she would fly out to LA to do my hair.....definitely something to consider since she's been doing my hair for five years!
• Our engagement pics are next weekend....need to start preparing for that....and our actual engagement is the week after that....oh boy!

Not to mention....I have been spending most of my time in Raleigh these days....week after week. So, that's a quick update of where things are......things are QUITE hectic.

Engagement Party - Box Checked!

Wow. Two boxes checked. We're gettin somewhere.

Thanks for all the suggestions and commentary on Facebook regarding my engagement party post. After talking to both parents again, and especially having a heart to heart with my parents I came to realize that I don't know a LOT about the ritual side of the Hindu religion. My preference with this puja was to keep it limited to the immediate family so that Saurab and I wouldn't get distracted and could pay attention to the "priest". I tend to always want to keep things small and private because I just don't like a lot of attention - it makes me feel uncomfortable. I never grew up around hoards of people, so I get easily overwhelmed when there are a lot of people I don't know very well and all the attention is on me. But, what I learned was that a puja is indeed a happy blessed occasion, and so you should have as many people around that would want to bless you. Hmmmm....never thought of it quite that way!

Between the dilemma of people being spread out everywhere across the US, and instinctively wanting to keep this small, I was going down an unconventional path. After learning the right way to do this thing, I now feel 110% comfortable with where we ended up:

Engagement Party will be on Oct. 10th in Chicago. My parents will fly in. His brother will fly in with his family. The rest of us (Saurab's parents, my brother, and us) are already here. We'll invite anyone in the family who is already in Chicago so that no one feels like they need to fly in. We'll do the puja in the morning, have lunch after at home after, then go to the botanical gardens and take proper engagement pictures with the infamous tree, and then go back to his parents house for a formal home dinner. AND - I will wear my sari!!!!! Yea!!!!

I am feeling really good about this now!

Now my only dilemma is that I might have to go to Paris the day before for work. I'll have to pull that off someway, be back in time and be awake no matter what Sat morning.

Next on the list....find a photographer for the engagement pictures. I'll take any recommendations on Chicago wedding photographers. You know I'll be choosy given that I am a photographer as well.

Also next on the list is to narrow down the venues in So Cal that our wonderful task force sent us and set up appointments for next week when we'll be in LA. Now THIS - I am really looking forward to!!!

Engagement Parties - you'd think this would be easy - we're already engaged!

What I have learned is that there is an Indian rule - having a private emotional giving of an engagement ring by the future groom doesn't really count - - - one must exchange engagement rings in front of parents, and via a puja (a prayer) in front of the Gods. So, the engagement party is not just a party, it's a religious event.

When the wedding was scheduled to be in Northern California, my parents wanted to host the engagement party in LA. Makes sense, especially given the fact that they have an entire prayer room in their house. But now, the entire wedding is in LA, so it becomes unfair if the engagement party is also in LA. Hence, after many discussions that I won't get into we have decided to have the engagement party in Chicago.

In these conversations I made it very clear that what was important to me was to be able to have a private religious ceremony and wear the sari (Indian outfit) that I have had for the past five years for this particular event!

In my mind, wearing this gorgeous elaborate fancy outfit (pic to the right) for a puja with the family for two hours, is a bit silly. So, I will admit there was a part of me that really wanted a real party - so I could get dressed up in my party outfit. Another however....given that both of our families and friends are spread across the country we would genuinely feel bad if we turned this into a mini wedding and have lots of people flying in. First of all, it's good that Saurab and I agree that the puja should be small, special and restricted to family members only. So, having people fly in for a party afterward, becomes.....well, unnecessary.

BUT, what do I do about my outfit I've had for 5 years? I'll welcome thoughts on this....do I wear it just for the puja and the family dinner? Sounds a bit simple for a lavish outfit, no? Or do I just scrap the whole idea and wear it to the wedding events, like the Sangeet? Thoughts? I dunno.

So, it will be an small core family event that my parents will fly in for, and that Saurab's brother's (Sameer) family will fly in for....and that's it.

Although it took a while (probably about 5 hours of total thinking one Saturday) to come to this solution, it feels like the right decision.

NOW....comes the part that really stumps me. You would think that when two Indian Hindu people get married via Hindu ceremonies the rituals should be pretty straightforward. Nope. My parents do a certain type of puja, called a Satyanarayan puja (which is typically performed before marriage, getting a house, etc etc) and his parents do a Ganesh puja. Both Hindu, both appropriate. But geez! What to do, what to do. Both, I guess. Which is totally fine with me...I figure the more types of prayers we do, the more blessed we'll be! :-) But, boy oh boy, this is the part I thought would be easy!!!

Note to self: Find out about SPECIFIC religious practices from both sides early on...don't just assume that they will be the same...and make sure you understand what you and your finace care about...let the rest of the chips fall as they may.