Engagement Parties - you'd think this would be easy - we're already engaged!

What I have learned is that there is an Indian rule - having a private emotional giving of an engagement ring by the future groom doesn't really count - - - one must exchange engagement rings in front of parents, and via a puja (a prayer) in front of the Gods. So, the engagement party is not just a party, it's a religious event.

When the wedding was scheduled to be in Northern California, my parents wanted to host the engagement party in LA. Makes sense, especially given the fact that they have an entire prayer room in their house. But now, the entire wedding is in LA, so it becomes unfair if the engagement party is also in LA. Hence, after many discussions that I won't get into we have decided to have the engagement party in Chicago.

In these conversations I made it very clear that what was important to me was to be able to have a private religious ceremony and wear the sari (Indian outfit) that I have had for the past five years for this particular event!

In my mind, wearing this gorgeous elaborate fancy outfit (pic to the right) for a puja with the family for two hours, is a bit silly. So, I will admit there was a part of me that really wanted a real party - so I could get dressed up in my party outfit. Another however....given that both of our families and friends are spread across the country we would genuinely feel bad if we turned this into a mini wedding and have lots of people flying in. First of all, it's good that Saurab and I agree that the puja should be small, special and restricted to family members only. So, having people fly in for a party afterward, becomes.....well, unnecessary.

BUT, what do I do about my outfit I've had for 5 years? I'll welcome thoughts on this....do I wear it just for the puja and the family dinner? Sounds a bit simple for a lavish outfit, no? Or do I just scrap the whole idea and wear it to the wedding events, like the Sangeet? Thoughts? I dunno.

So, it will be an small core family event that my parents will fly in for, and that Saurab's brother's (Sameer) family will fly in for....and that's it.

Although it took a while (probably about 5 hours of total thinking one Saturday) to come to this solution, it feels like the right decision.

NOW....comes the part that really stumps me. You would think that when two Indian Hindu people get married via Hindu ceremonies the rituals should be pretty straightforward. Nope. My parents do a certain type of puja, called a Satyanarayan puja (which is typically performed before marriage, getting a house, etc etc) and his parents do a Ganesh puja. Both Hindu, both appropriate. But geez! What to do, what to do. Both, I guess. Which is totally fine with me...I figure the more types of prayers we do, the more blessed we'll be! :-) But, boy oh boy, this is the part I thought would be easy!!!

Note to self: Find out about SPECIFIC religious practices from both sides early on...don't just assume that they will be the same...and make sure you understand what you and your finace care about...let the rest of the chips fall as they may.