An Indian Wedding - One Moment at a Time

Family wedding planning....I'm in LA!!!!

2010-07-11T22:36:00.004-05:00

Wedding countdown has officially begun. I arrived in LA Friday afternoon, and already we have gotten so much done. All the details are now coming into place, and I can see this wedding coming together before my very eyes. It's all so wonderful. My aunt and uncle from India have arrived as well, and we have turned our house into a assembly line of craft working! I have realized today how joyous joint family living can actually be. It's something I never really understood before....and being that I grew up in the US, I thought the Indian way of "living together" under one roof was kind of strange. Well, today I got a dose of how wonderful it can actually be....

Our assembly line project: We have a "grand plan" for our table numbers....something I guarantee no one has ever done before. Since Saurab is a classical musician, it was very important to us to ensure that music and his beloved composers were all embedded into the wedding. So, each table is not a boring table number. Each table will be a composer, with quite a detailed description of who that composer was and "our" favorite pieces from them (I just hope no one asks me anything about them at the wedding.....yea, I'm not the pianist....I'm just marrying one :-) ). We were going to put them in frames and have them placed on the tables. Of course, I had to get it approved for "thematic consistency" by our decorator Fayaz. His response was "not a chance unless you have them encrusted in moss" ....after all we do have a nature theme going. Well, not only have we added some moss, we have made these so beautiful these composer will be rising from their graves to be at our wedding! :-)

So, here was the assembly line of workers...my mom, my dad, kaka, kaki, Mahesh Uncle, and Sonal Aunty..SO much fun!!!! People who are attending the wedding - get ready to learn your composers!!!! Saurab's dream would be that people's "oooohs and ahhhhhs" turn into some interest and curiosity about these composers. I think he would get very emotional if he saw our guests writing down the names of his favorite pieces to go listen to.....hint hint!!! :-)

Our Quality Control Supervisor, Sonal Aunty...

. As my kaki says, they were all covered in "ghas" (grass) :-). I kept cracking up every time she called moss, grass! :-) We got half way through today, but the final product looks awesome. I think we did Fayaz, our decorator, proud....

...And then we had some Kaki and Anjani papdi cutting for dinner...I think this is the moment I realized that this joint family living thing could be pretty neat!

Making our wedding guests comfortable....Flip Flops

2010-06-27T10:30:00.003-05:00

The comfort of our guests is very important to us....they are flying in from near and far, and are doing a lot to ensure we have the moment our life! So, it's natural that we would want to ensure that we try to make them feel extremely comfortable and hassle free as well. So, we are doing a couple of things that we know we would appreciate going to any wedding. I'll write about them as separate posts (otherwise this would be a really long read :-) ) .....

Everytime I have been to a wedding I always end up dancing too much, and I pay the price the next day with dirty cut up feet. Lets face it, it's very difficult to dance to Indian music in 4 inch heels, and when you take your shoes off, your feet feel better but now you subject them to the grime off of everyone else's shoes.....not to mention in the old days, broken glass bangles. I don't want to have my guests go through that unpleasant experience. In the spirit of trying to make our guests feel very comfortable, we will be having flip flops of various sizes and colors for people to slip into when their heels come off. Given the size of our guest list we needed to go wholesale. Let me tell you, there are not many places you can buy wholesale flip flops that are normal looking! And cleaning out your local Old Navy stores will only start raking up the bill. So, for anyone looking to do this, save yourself the hours of searching (Chinatown in both LA and Chicago ended up to be duds as well) just go to Dollar Days .... and you can get a wide assortment of colors and sizes of flip flops! You can get all sorts of fun prints and colors, but here is the basic:

One month countdown begins...

2010-06-24T22:03:00.002-05:00

In exactly one month today, I will be a Mrs.....oh boy oh boy.....so exciting and so much to do in 30 days!!! It was extra special because today is also my dad's birthday! Need to start writing on a daily basis now....true countdown begins!

Bachelorette Party in Napa - 10 years in the making

2010-06-09T22:33:00.002-05:00

I know I have many wedding specifics I still need to write about - like my India shopping trip that was over a month ago, but I have to skip chronology so I can detail out this past weekend - which is a weekend I have been waiting for and planning for at least 10 years. Let's just say that I have had the details of this Bachelorette party dreamed up far more than an actual wedding!

I have always dreamed of doing my big girls day in Napa - one of my most favorite, most relaxing, most beautiful places on earth. So, when my bridesmaids, and MOH started planning I had a pretty clear "A" choice. As my MOH, Poorvi, will tell you though, it was still a tough decision to make. Having girlfriends that were spread out all over the country, most everyone would need to travel. Half of the guests were in LA, half in Chicago, with a couple of people dispersed in other spots all over the country. So the choices we gave the girls were Napa for a wine themed weekend, Sedona for a spa themed weekend, Chicago for a local weekend, and Montreal just for kicks. The list got real short real fast - - - it was either the party I have always dreamed of or the party in Chicago that more people would be able to attend. The guilt I had was that I didn't want people spending oodles of money to come out to Napa, when they were already going to be spending so much coming to the wedding....but at the same time, I didn't want to sacrifice a weekend that I had my heart set on for years and years. So, at the end of the day, I chose what I had my heart set on and lived with the fact that most people could not make it.

Given that the wedding is 6 weeks away, I needed calm, serene, rest and relaxation with my closest girlfriends. Down time, good wine, good food, good company....bliss.

So, it was me, and my two best friends Poorvi and Amber. They are both like sisters - and although it was a small gathering - it was perfect! It was small, cozy, non-complicated, and I could share my time easily and equally with both of them.

We arrived to SF from Boston, Chicago, and LA on Friday and headed straight to Napa. After checking into the Westin in Napa (really nice, by the way) we headed straight to the spa at Silverado - where we spent over three hours being completely pampered to get into the mood for the weekend. We then had an amazing Italian dinner (Allegria) where I had the most amazing saffron pasta ever. We called it an early night so that we could taste our fair share of wines the whole next day.

By 10am we were out the door, and sure enough there was a stretch PT cruiser limo waiting for us outside with our awesome driver Gerry. We first went to two of my favorites, Domaine Carneros and Elyse .... and given that they are my most favorite wineries and that I collect wine, I didn't quite escape without a fair share of wine that piled into the back of the PT cruiser. :-) Our driver, Gerry, then took us to two new places which were small, and undiscovered. The first was Jessup Cellars, which had some phenomenal wine - and they don't sell to distributors - so what you get, you get there. The second isn't really even worth mentioning since we barely made it there before they closed.....however we did make ample use making fools of ourselves running around on their beautiful scenic lawn! .... Did I mention it was nearing the end of the day?!?! It was at this winery that I met another bride who, coincidentally, was getting married on the same date as me - in LA. Strange coincidence!

After a whole day of tasting wine, buying wine, and running around in the sun we said our good byes to Gerry and went out on the town for a spectacular French dinner at Angele .... phenomenal place....anyone in Napa should certainly stop by. After lingering over food and wine....and oogling at some of their staff....we sufficiently put an end to our 3 hour dinner by going to a jazz / blues club next door.....a rusty, small, cozy bar that served a Nickel & Nickel Cab....for anyone who is into exquisite wine, you will know how this can ONLY happen in Napa....and how this filled my heart with joy! :-) Great wine, great scenery, great food, great music and great friends.....a perfect day and an even more perfect evening.

Sunday came too quick and we had an early morning start back to SFO so the Bostonite could get back home at a decent time. Amber and I headed to LA.....where I spent two days wrapping up some more wedding stuff on the ground.

The weekend gave me the perfect grounding and relaxation to get rejuvenated and enjoy the process long enough to smell the roses. With a skiddish landing, I was back in wedding planning land.....

....but, I know that although I have dreamed of this weekend for years and years.....my dreams certainly became a reality. It was a PERFECT weekend! Thank you to my two best friends for giving me such a gift that I will always treasure!

It's time to get working...

2010-05-26T18:28:00.004-05:00

After taking a two month hiatus from the wedding (well, Saurab didn't take any hiatus at all - - - he just encouraged me to given my workload at the job) I am BACK! And there is less than two months to go till the big day...so it's time to get working!

Topic for the day....invitations.

Can you believe that we are two months away from the wedding and our invitations JUST went out. Yep. Indian Standard Time, I guess. Actually, we were starting to get really funny questions from our guests on if they were still invited, which caused us to send out the following email:

Email Title: Am I still invited?

"…YES! Yes you are still invited! Don't double book yourself for the date...

We have been receiving some of these peculiar questions recently, and it wasn't until we looked at the calendar that we actually understood why we were getting these questions. Yes, the wedding is sneaking up on us quickly! And, yes, the formal invitations have still not gone out! So, we now understand the peculiar questions :-)

We have been diligently working on final preparations for the formal invitations, but as is the case with many Indian events, we seem to be running on “I.S.T.” (Indian Standard Time), which means we’ve run into a few minor delays with the invitation company....located in India! We expect formal invitations to start being mailed early next week so you should all have them soon.

However, in the meantime, please do not hesitate to continue making any travel plans. Airfares remain holding steady and not too bad just yet, so it is a good idea to make bookings if you haven’t already done so. Also, for those of you staying in hotels, our dedicated hotel block is already running out of room pretty quickly, so once again we’d like to remind everyone to try to lock those plans in. We are always here and ready to assist with ANYTHING we can do to help!"

Constant communication with you guests - -- ALWAYS the right thing to do.

Getting everything secured for the wedding has not been too terribly difficult - - - up until we hit the point of the invitations. First off, I very keenly had my heart set on having invitations that matched my theme - - - nature - - - so printing invitations on seed paper that can be planted and grow into wildflowers. That would have been a dream come true. But, we quickly found out that this would cost over $10 an invitation....and that they would not be able to make it look "Indian" enough. Fair enough - - - so the Indian route we went.

There are a few reputable Indian wedding card companies out there. Namely: Indian Wedding Card.com, Parekh Cards, and 123weddingcards. They are all pretty reputable and have a semi-decent online gallery.

We chose Indian Wedding Card.com for no reason other than the fact that we liked more of their designs than the other companies.

So Step #1: Browse though the 100's (literally, if not thousands) of cards they have online and pick a few you like

Step #2: Order and pay for samples of those cards

Step #3: Wait over a week to get those samples

Step #4: Realize that they look totally different in person - or FEEL totally different than you had imagined

Step #5: Get back online and find some other samples

Step #6: Order those

Step #7: Wait another week....

.....get my jest.....this process should be started the day you get engaged because it takes FOREVER. For us, we didn't like any of the samples we received for one reason or another....color, size, paper quality, smell, etc etc....so we got into the business of custom making our invite.....which is a whole another set of timelines and parameters.

We took one card that we liked as the base then changed the color, the type of fabric / paper, the type of insets, and added an interior envelope, the font we wanted, the design we wanted, and our own Ganesh symbol that we found elsewhere. So, basically - totally new....and while it took a massive number of iterations going back and forth via email with Anurag at Indian Wedding Card what we now have as an end result is a card that no one else in the world has. Which, I must say is pretty cool.

What is even more cool is that Saurab did it ALL. I basically nodded my head every once in a while, but while I was in India doing wedding shopping and galavanting around the world for work the past two months, Saurab took this on as a personal project...and he ROCKED! That's another indication that I'm marrying a great guy! :-)

I would put up a picture of the card, but we just mailed them out and I would like my guests to see them first. However, I can tell you I was pretty happy when Fedex came and brought this to my doorstep:

So I got a box of STUFF..... 300 pieces of cards that needed to be assembled - - - - mendhi card, sangeet card, Saurab's invitation for the wedding, Anjani's invitation for the wedding, Reception card, Directions card, RSVP card and envelope, the jacket that holds all the cards, the proper envelope that the jacket goes into, and the main envelope with the pre-printed addresses....so that's 11 pieces of things that needed to get assembled together.

We got the shipment on Thursday, started assembling on Friday and finished Sunday. It was like an assembly line with Saurab, his mom and I just dividing and conquering....this would have been a simple enough assembly line, but I had to complicate it a little more. In my travels for work the past two months, I went to China where I met an old man who made hand carved old school Chinese stampers. I asked him if he could customize the seal for me by replicating the Om that I have worn around my neck for years and years. He said it would be an honor and got working....so the results is this beautiful custom made Om stamper.

I didn't want to just put a cheezy stamp on the invitations so I turned it into a wax seal stamper. So for each invitation I hand wax sealed each of the 300 invitations with the Om symbol I wear on my necklace. Pretty amazing, isn't it?

It was hard work but was SO much fun....and with every card the reality set in that I am actually getting married! When we mailed out the invitations on Monday, we had a huge sigh of relief and quickly crossed our fingers that our guests would actually be able to attend!

Can't wait till the first RSVP comes in.....

Are invites really this time consuming for everyone, or did we just over complicate?

If Music Be The Food Of Love...

2010-03-08T17:09:00.003-06:00

Hi everyone – it's me, your dear guest blogger again! I've got a bit of time in between some work things so I thought I'd write about another topic – one that is up there in my top 5 of "most important things" for my wedding…

…the song for the first dance!

This weekend, through a tougher process than I thought, Anjani and I settled on our first dance song. We could not be happier with our choice.

But before I go any further, since I know people will want to know, I am NOT going to ruin the surprise of what song we chose and why that particular one. That blog post may come after the wedding, but not now!

Instead, I'm going to focus on the process for how we arrived at our decision.

I believe that in choosing the song for the first dance, couples fall into one of four categories:
1) Neither has a strong opinion about the song and really don't care
2) One of the two has a strong opinion on the song and the other doesn't care
3) Neither has a strong opinion about the song but deeply care about the choice
4) Both have differing strong opinions and deeply care about the choice

CATEGORY 1:
I don't think anyone wants to admit they fall into this category, but I've been to enough weddings to know that more often than not, the results tell me that most couples actually do. These are the couples that end up going to Google and typing "Top 10 Wedding Songs" and picking from there, or some similar generic process. To me, this is sad. This may sound strong, but I really believe you should never have to ask for outside help on ideas for a first dance song. Your choice is an expression of YOU as a couple and should never be outsourced. After all the work that has gone into every other little detail, please don't belittle this piece by turning it over to Google (or someone else)!

But rest easy – if you are brave enough to admit that you fall into this category, read on, I'll give you some tips shortly!

CATEGORY 2:
Ok, so you're not going to leave your fate to Google. That's a great first step. But you're not quite there yet. I know everyone has to "pick their battles" in planning a wedding, but a first dance should not fall into this area. Think of it this way – it's not one of you dancing with the other watching, is it? It's BOTH of you. Shouldn't the song likewise represent BOTH of you?

If you're in this category, dig deeper. Work with each other to ensure that both people have a voice and are vocalizing their opinions. Music is all around us and is always part of our life's experiences, surely even though someone says they may not care, I'm willing to bet that they still have a lot to contribute.

CATEGORY 3 & 4
Now you're in the sweet spot. At least you know it's an important decision to take seriously and are ready to move forward. Maybe you don't know where to start, or maybe you are both stubborn enough that you don't know how to arrive at a satisfying conclusion. Either way, you're on the right track!

Note: By the way, Anjani and I very clearly fall into Category 4. As a musician, music is always at the forefront of my mind, and at its very least it provides the backdrop for so many of our most special moments. Be it bouncing around our living room to Parts&Labor's "Nowhere's Nigh", cooking dinner to our favorite jazz artists, or skipping in the rain to "Chhoti Si Aasha", we are almost always surrounded by great music and it has become an important part of our relationship. As a result, our initial list of songs was long, and it became clear that each of us had some strong opinions about them!

THE PATH TO SELECTION
Now that you're ready to bypass Google, listen to each other, and embark on picking a song, let me offer some tips for how to get there.

I think there's a few attributes that go into the selection of a great first dance song:
1) Importance
2) Message
3) Culture
4) Choreography
5) Length
6) Presentation

I don't think these should all be weighted equally, but I do think you'd be doing yourselves a disservice by ignoring any of these. For example, just picking a song because it is special to you is not enough. Anjani and I both love the song "Ne Me Quitte Pas", and it was initially considered. However, lyrically, it is not the most appropriate choice ("Please don't leave me!") – god forbid we dance to a song in which Nina Simone is begging someone not to leave her!

So let's talk about each of these attributes and hopefully I can offer some insight into how we did this.

Step 1, go get your hard drive with all of your MP3's (or open your CD collection), and load up iTunes with everything in it. You need to go through everything because it's too easy to forget great options if you try to do this in your head!

Attribute 1: Importance
This is probably the easiest one to talk about. Think through your relationship (remember, this is about the BOTH of you, not one of you), and think about the songs that may have meant a lot to you. As you go through your list, pull out songs that trigger a memory, experience, emotion, whatever. Pull out songs that seem to describe you as a couple. For our Indian readers, don't ignore Bollywood films or old Indian songs!

Attribute 2: Lyrics
This one is trickier, because it's the easiest trap for couples to fall into. Most people are not musicians, and I believe most non-musicians approach music as "melodic poetry". In other words, lyrics are the most important thing.

Yes, I agree that you want to pick a song with nice lyrics, and certainly don't want to pick something with inappropriate lyrics ("Ne Me Quitte Pas"!). But, remember, when you are doing your dance, you are not listening to the lyrics, or at least you shouldn't be listening to the lyrics in lieu of gazing into your loved one's eyes! The thing is, neither are your guests. They are watching you dance, not really listening intently to the song. The music is there to set the mood rather than take center stage as some sort of lyrical statement.

So don't get too hung up on trying to find a song that lyrically matches everything about you. You probably won't find it, and, if you do, it's more likely a song that's only artificially important to you as a couple. And at the end of it, neither you nor the audience will pay as much attention to it as you may think.

As evidence (minor spoiler alert), I will say that lyrically, the song Anjani and I selected has nothing to do with us. In fact, the lyrics have nothing to do with anything.

Attribute 3: Culture
Bollywood addicts unite! Most of our readers on this blog are likely south Asian, and thus likely pretty well-versed with Bollywood culture and music. If you are not, you probably at least realize that Bollywood is a big deal to the subcontinent, and realize that we are planning an Indian wedding, so there will be lots of elements that are, well, INDIAN.

Early on in our process, Anjani and I asked the question of whether we wanted an English or Hindi song. Both of us responded with a resounding "it doesn't matter." But I understand if some couples are deadset on one direction versus the other. There are wonderful songs in both cultures, so it's definitely a conversation worth having. I'm not sure if the selection of an Indian song makes the overall any more or less Indian, but, in conjunction with the rest of the blog here, I would only caution couples from selecting an Indian song simply because it's Indian…remember, it should be something meaningful to you. Also, keep in mind that if you select a song in Hindi, then any non-indian audience member won't know what the lyrics mean (which they're not really listening to anyway!).

Attribute 4: Choreography
This was an interesting one for us. You probably have an idea of what kind of dance you're planning on doing – be it a choreographed ballroom dance routine or just an open-ended slow dancing in close embrace. Make sure the song you choose fits this decision (and vice-versa). It is a first dance, not a favorite song. For us, many of the "semi-finalist" songs that made the list were subsequently cut because they simply did not work with our selected dance style. We ended up selecting a song that will work perfectly with our dance style – and meets the other criteria, of course.

Attribute 5: Length
I don't know what the magic formula is, but I would venture to guess that a song longer than 4 minutes is too long for this. Audience members, especially Indian ones, are finicky people and will start to get restless after this amount of time. Does that mean you can't pick something longer? No. But I'd suggest working with your DJ to either fade out or edit the song outright to get it to that length.

Attribute 6: Performance
Our final one is another tricky one. Is this a performance for your guests? Or is it just for you two? Well, of course, the answer is both. Surely, this is YOUR first dance, not your audience's. It should be special for you, but who cares about anyone else? Well, if you completely ignore the audience, then why are you doing it in the reception, in front of all of your guests? They are part of this and they will be watching you. Don't forget that there indeed is an "entertainment" component to this. So, in picking your music, try not to pick something that will instantly cause your audience to fall asleep or tune out.

This is another opportunity to let yourselves shine and to convey who you are as a couple. Some of my favorite first dances have been when the couple have picked a great song that clearly they love and then do something fun with it, like a fun salsa dance. If you're a fun-loving couple, why pick something that's sleepy or boring? Just remember, it is a balance between a moment for each other as well as a performance for your guests, like it or not!

And there you have it. I think if you can both get to a point where you appreciate the value of this decision and take care with it, you're on the right track. From there, start going through the list of songs and thinking about these different attributes. You're sure to find a great fit – for you, for each other, for the dance, for the guests, and for your wedding day.

Let Them Eat Cake

2010-03-01T14:44:00.006-06:00

Hi everyone – your guest blogger again…

I wanted to follow up Anjani’s previous post with one that focuses on a specific aspect of the weekend, and a significant decision resulting from it – THE CAKE.

As she mentioned, we went to 2 cake tastings over the weekend. The first of them was fairly forgettable while the second was a great experience. If you’re a cake aficionado and care about “spending more to get more” in the SoCal area, I would strongly recommend working with Linda at The Cake Studio. Anjani, myself, and her parents had a great experience there – she is truly an artist and her cakes are phenomenal. Anjani and I both agree that the reason her cakes taste so wonderful is that she admits to never being trained in classical bake tasting. She just works with what tastes great, and boy did they taste great – and this is from 4 people who really don’t love cakes at all anyway. Especially fondit – oh man, why did they create this atrocity???

Anyway, she is also a truly creative person, which worked so well for us and our approach to everything. She immediate took out a pad of paper and started sketching ideas for not only the cake, but the table as well. We were truly having a great time working with her.

Her price was quite expensive, but in this case I feel confident about saying “you get what you pay for.” Seems truly worth the cost.

But that’s just it. It is a high cost.

When we got back in the car, I looked at Anjani and here was our dialogue:

Saurab: Can I ask you a hard question?
Anjani: Yes…
Saurab: Do we really need cake at all? Indians prefer Indian desserts anyway and none of us even like cake. Wouldn’t it just be a waste of money?
Anjani: No. We need cake. I want the picture.
Saurab: You want to spend $XYZ for a picture?
Anjani: Ummm…

Well, now the door was open for a full-on discussion! Anjani’s father then made a great point – why not find out why people have cake and cake-cutting at weddings in the first place? If it makes sense to do it, then we should do it. But if there is no real purpose, then why waste the money?

…Anjani was still skeptical, but I knew I had a chance…

I immediately pulled out my trusty Blackberry and got to work. Besides finding a history of cakes which includes breaking cake over the bride’s head for fertility purposes, we found two main purposes behind the cake (beyond just being dessert):
1) The cutting of the cake is the first real “task” that we do together as a married couple
2) The feeding of the cake signifies the act of “providing for each other”

Ok, something to work with. In terms of item #2, well, Indians do that on the mandap as part of the wedding already (we feed each other a sweet). So no need for a cake ceremony to do that!

In terms of item #1, was it really worth $XYZ, or could we come up with another “task” to take its place – one that could result in an equally interesting picture and a significantly reduced cost. And one that is more meaningful to us.

I could tell Anjani was starting to be converted, if we could come up with a great idea.

Which…we did.

Which is…sorry, I won’t share just yet.

When we reviewed this whole discussion with Amy, she seconded the motion, suggesting a few things:
1) In her experiences, there are several Indian weddings without cake, and, provided there are Indian desserts, no one noticed
2) Even when there was cake, she mentioned an occasion in which the cake was set on a table next to the Indian desserts, and not one person took cake!

Wow, truly not an effective use of money indeed!

…Anjani was finally sold…

NO CAKE FOR US.

We’re just going to have to be happy with GULAB JAMUNs, RASGULLAHs, and RASMALAI. YUM.

And we couldn’t be more excited about our surprise activity in lieu of cake.

So, to our readers (especially Indian couples), I would say this – ask yourselves why you want a cake. If you truly love cake and think your guests will as well, then, by all means, follow your heart. But our experience (and others’, evidently), show that you don’t really need a cake – don’t spend the money just because you think you have to!

Hope this helps…stay tuned for more posts from your guest blogger!

Packing months of planning into four days!

2010-02-22T14:47:00.001-06:00

Last weekend, on the heels of coming back from Argentina, Saurab and I finally found the time to get on a plane to LA. It has been several months (upward of 3 or 4 months) since we've been there - - - which means that we have been doing every ounce of planning work over the phone. I think Amy, our planner, was getting REALLY nervous that she hadn't yet met us face to face.

As we landed the excitement was quickly building. We had so much to do, so many people to meet, so many decisions to make and get all our ducks in order in one fell swoop over 4 days. As you might have gathered by now, I work 24 hours a day practically, so this is the ONLY LA wedding trip we have planned. We had no choice but to get it ALL done.

Let me just say that I have a total new appreciation for the people who are able to deal with LA traffic.....the itinerary of this trip gave a new meaning to the word tired. However, it was WELL worth it and we got it all done.

So, what did we do.....
Friday:
As soon as we got in we went to check out the Sangeet venue. We had only seen this place off the internet and booked based on my parents doting of how beautiful it was. Immediately entering the property, we realized hands down, that we made the perfect choice. The place is beautiful, and completely in sync with our artistic sides. We elected to choose the grand foyer to do the Sangeet, versus the originally planned ballroom. It was an absolutely no brainer - this place is going to make an out of this world sangeet. We even have a fireplace!!!

Saturday:
Oh if someone could have just warned me to brace myself. This was a VERY long day....but oh so needed. Early in the morning our decorator, Fayaz, came to my parents house and we started designing. It was comical because I pretty much pushed Saurab aside for the whole day and made Fayaz my boyfriend. He with his color swatches and me with my art color pencils, we were submerged into complete and utter creativity. Lucky for our budget, we had Amy, our planner, not too far behind reeling us in when she would hear things that were off the wall crazy and would break the bank! Spending the day in design land with Fayaz was like a closet design girl's candyland. SO MUCH FUN!!!

So the design work went from about 9am to 9pm....going to and from the various venues and just letting all the creative juices flow. Between Fayaz who was creating imaginary mandaps and decor themes, to Umair who was talking about electric panels, outlets and DJ equipment, to Amber (Umair's lighting expert) who kept using words like uplighting and gobos (I now learned some new words) to Amy who was just trying to find the best spot on this estate for us to get married and kept talking about guest flow.....it was one insanely fun day! One of the funnest, yet most exhausting days I have had in a LONG LONG time. I wish I could go into details, but I don't even know where to start....and I don't want to ruin it for those the readers who will be attending the wedding. Let's just say, this wedding is turning into a production!

Sunday:
Early Sunday, we started our cake tastings by driving to a place which was an hour away (I think everything in LA is at least an hour away!), mendhi trials and hair and make up trials. In between each of the trials my mom and I went into as many clothing stores as possible to scope out wedding wear. Needless to say we didn't get very far on the clothes front - but all I wanted to do was determine whether or not I needed to go to india (will write more on this in a separate post).

While we were doing all of this running around, my dad and Saurab were stuck in gridlock traffic in Santa Monica / Malibu looking at various hotels for our guest accommodations. Let's just say that there is nothing like gridlock to force bonding! By the time everyone got home we were literally ready to fall.

Monday:
Early Monday morning we were supposed to meet the pandit (the guy who marries us) an hour away at the temple. We ended up having a great phone chat with him since we were WAY too exhausted and had another gut wrenchingly long day in front of us. I don't understand why most couples don't spend quality time with their pandit before the wedding. This was an invaluable experience for us to go through - we went through a traditional Gujarati and North Indian ceremony, talked about the differences, determined what we wanted to incorporate and talked about us and things we wanted to do that were solely important to us. Very valuable!

We then did more cake tastings, and the spent the next 6 hours with Fayaz and Amy again. This time we went straight to his office, where he had taken all of our conversations and mocked up a sample centerpiece and drew out our designs. All I have to say is that there were tears flowing rampantly. This guy is a genius. Not only did he design something that was flawlessly breathtaking, his vision completely mirrored my vision and through this centerpiece and table mock up he showed me how good he is at listening and taking random thoughts and creating something magical. I am so so so lucky. So, he became my boyfriend for the day again, and out came the swatches, coloring pencils and design pages....again. :-) 4 hours later, Amy was waiting for us with the minute by minute itinerary for all the events for us to review. OMG. By this time, I felt like my head was going to roll off my body, but luckily this is Saurab's sweet spot and he ate it up. Amy and Saurab's relationship is a bit like my relationship with Fayaz. They are the project managers and we are the ones who get lost in a creative cloud - - - and prefer to stay there! :-) It was the best working session one could ever ask for, and to sit with Amy after months and months of phone conferences was priceless!

After we left their offices, we headed over for some food tasting, and then called it a night.

Luckily I stayed back a couple more days so that I could meet Joe Photo (our photographer) and meet with our videographer, Bryan Geddes from Guava Street Production to seal the deal. I took them through the whole vision and the whole itinerary, and by the end of my trip the entire team was set!

I came back to Chicago with not a concern in my mind - other than the budget :-) We have a FABULOUS team that is going to create the most amazing set of moments for us. Less than 5 months to go.....whoo hoo!

For all brides planning out of state weddings - don't miss the opportunity to have a full in weekend like this. Tell everyone to clear their calendars and make sure you get everything you need to get done in one fell swoop. And of course, ensure you have nothing less than the best partners to work with who will make the entire weekend seamless.

Upcoming posts: The details and decisions of all the tastings and trials.

Fairy tale versus practicality

2010-02-11T18:50:00.004-06:00

Once again, I have been so delinquent in writing on my blog. Work. Work. Work. Last week, I was in Brazil and Argentina for work. I have dreamt of going to Buenos Aires for a very long time, so it was very much a sort of dream come true. I worked very hard during the week, and then spent time living my dream of tango dancing in one of the most vibrant cities in the world!

So - what does this have to do with the wedding, you may ask. Well, I write this feeling a bit topsy turvy. I have not only dreamed of visiting Argentina, but I have dreamed of living in Argentina for a very long time. Sometimes I look at this wedding, and I gasp....especially when I look at the budget. Do you know, I can buy an entire condo in the heart of Buenos Airesfor the same amount of money that is going into this wedding?!?!? ----and this is a normal indian wedding....it's not even an over the top indian wedding! How ridiculous is that! I know it's usually the guy that feels this way - - - but in this case, it's the reverse. The practicality versus the fairy tale. Saurab is 100% pro big wedding. I dangle between the romance and fairy tale of it all versus the practicality. Not very girly like - I know.

So when I came back home I asked Saurab if we really needed to do all this....and go through the whole party process. I am just as happy exchanging vows on the beach. So, we had the conversation and at the end of it, I realized that every piece of this wedding IS worth it. He reminded me that I am a person of moments - I love having moments where time stands still and there is a feeling of extreme bliss that you know you will carry with you for the rest of your life. What bigger moment can you have other than the birth of a child? I guess that is why people put their heart and soul into these weddings. It's the moment of it all. It's unforgettable and it's magical. Saurab had to remind me of that. I want to live in Argentina because of the amazing moments I can have living in a city that gave birth to a dance I am so passionate about.....but in the same vain - this wedding will arguably give us even bigger grander and more special memories that will live forever. So, I came to the conclusion that this is every bit of what I want, and yes, the money may be better served practically, but living out a big Indian wedding - the way it's supposed to be, in the glamor of it all - is every bit worth it for all the "moments" - the moments every Indian girl dreams about. Not everything in life is about monetary investments - investments of the heart are okay...more than okay if they result in incredible ever lasting moments. Ladies, you may have to remind your guys of that --- in my case my lovely finance has to remind me! :-)

Anyway, this is a more somber post, I know.....but I thought it was important to post because I can't imagine that I am the only one who goes through the thought of fairy tale versus practicality. So, for those going through it.....you are not alone.....and remind yourself in the times of questioning that the big wedding IS worth it.....even every bit of stress associated with it....because every one of these memories will be associated with the fondest set of life moments you will ever have! :-)

Wedding Registries

2010-01-22T16:13:00.001-06:00

Happy Friday everyone. This week has been really crazy - lots of 16 hour work days. But, TGIF! I am so excited for this weekend, for no particular reason other than taking my mind off of work and back on the wedding! It makes it even nicer to see that some of you responded to my last post, either directly on my blog or on maharani weddings. It helps to know that someone is reading, and it's even better to know when others are going through the same choices and to hear their stories. So, keep commenting!

Today, I've been thinking about wedding registries. One cold Chicago Sat afternoon we went into Crate and Barrel just for fun and ended up going crazy with the registry gun. Weeks later, I've deleted everything from that list....because I realized we already have much of everything we need. Being that we're both in our 30's...we've individually collected the nice things that make up an essential house.....nice cookware, plateware, furniture, art, etc etc etc.

Since we both have two established residences that we are trying to merge....we need to purge rather than get more "stuff". We had a great idea - sign up for experiences that people can chip into....experiences that are meaningful to us....like an interior decorator to help merge our "stuff" and make it look like a home, like a cool activity for our honeymoon, like a fund to crate a wine cellar that we've always wanted. We're trying to think WAY out of the box - literally.

This is, until, we realized that some people will inevitably bring boxed gifts no matter how large the "no boxed gifts" words are written on the invitation. So, back to Crate and Barrel for some level of a registry. But, I didn't want to go crazy with the gun again. After lots of thinking, I had to rely on my sources for this one...which led me to send this email to the women in my life who have turned great houses into great homes.....

"To my trusted married women who have created wonderful homes:

The time has come where I need to start thinking about registries. You all have wonderful homes with things that I am sure you couldn't do without. I'd like some insight into what those things are.

I am curious. As you look around your wonderful homes, what are the top FIVE items (things that can be bought....no listing of children) that you either.....

.....could not live without,

..... use on a repeated basis and think is essential to make any house a home.

.....think is one of the best indulgences that can (and should) only come through a registry (the kitchen aid mixer falls into this category for me!)

.....think was the best wedding gift ever

...especially as a working wife, and a working mother. And you don't have to limit yourself to the kitchen. Top FIVE."

The top 25 list that came back was interesting....in no particular order....

1. Fine china and Ridel crystal

2. Kitchen Aid mixer

3. An upgrade to a better version of everything you already have

4. Gift cards

5. Everyday dining set

6. Simple Human hand soap dispenser (I love this one!)

7. A nice iron

8. Dyson

9. Gel pro mat

10. Slipat cookie sheet liners

11. Serving trays

12. Crock pot

13. Cookbooks (like this one too!)

14. Mandolin slicer (I'm not even sure what this is)

15. Nice tea kettle

16.Nice mixing bowls and prep bowls

17. Cereal bowls

18. High quality sheets

19. All Clad cookware

20. Keurig single serve coffee maker

21. Breville panini press

22. Electronic reader like the Kindle

23. Under cabinet TV/DVD player

24.Music system with wireless speakers for the kitchen

25. Extra seating - nice folding chairs

So, what do you guys think....what can you not live without that has made your house into a home?

Saurab's interpretation of the registry......yes, he tried to register for me....so silly!

Happy Friday....have a great weekend!

Decorator - Finalized

2010-01-19T14:00:00.002-06:00

Another HUGE box checked. I would have updated the blog sooner if I wasn't travelling so much for work these days. Work has really gotten to be a bear......and very little time out of the day is left for doing anything wedding related. So, I am VERY VERY VERY happy that we signed on with Fayaz Chamadia from Hub Design as our decorator.

A couple of posts back I talked about the decorator RFP process we had used. We spoke to many talented decorators and narrowed it down between Shawna Yamamoto and Fayaz. We had extensive visioning conversations with each of them, and were really torn between who to go with. At the end of the day, we decided with Fayaz based on our gut feeling - no checklists on this one, guys. We had an absolutely lovely conversation with him, that got me to a higher level of excitement and energy as each moment of the conversation went on. He was able to tap into the theme I had in my head seamlessly.....it's as if he had been in my head all along and was able to take what I was envisioning in my mind and pull it into a cohesive design and theme across all the events. I guess that's what I would say can be the critieria for deciding......after using the RFP process, which decorator is able to give life to what you are envisioning? is the decorators vision seamlessly connected with yours? are you able to see your wedding day come to life with the vision they have drawn up? and lastly, are they passionate about your vision just as much as you are? I think that is the recipe for a great partnership with a decorator because they will be turning imagination into something that can be seen, touched, felt, and smelled.

The one phrase that completely embodies the design I have always imagined (since I was a little girl) was something I didn't put in the RFP.....this phrase has always been "Garden of Eden" where nature and beauty grow wild. I wanted to see if the decorators could pull the same phrase as the capstone for what I wanted to create. Ironically, Fayaz's opening line in our conversation with him was "I envision this being like the garden of eden....something that looks like it is 1000's of years old" ........ could I have gotten anything that was more eye to eye than that!!! His opening line perked me up, and the rest of the conversation sealed the deal!

For my theme, which we all know by now, is grounded in nature - hearing things like: "I picture a vintage mandaap in a romantic Indian garden, where Heer and Ranjha play" just makes me warm and fuzzy.

Have others experienced this type of instant connection with their decorator? I'd love to hear about others experiences and how you narrowed down your selection.

Save the Date!!!

2010-01-05T11:58:00.001-06:00

I am so happy to report that after two long hard months of working on our save the date, it is finally done, to a level that both Saurab and I are very happy with. I sent out a first batch last night. I was so nervous when we pressed the send button (yes, it is an online save the date)....because now it makes this whole thing a reality - and the real count down has begun. 199 days left. Yikes! We also created our wedding website and linked it to the save the date - - - there were so many wedding websites to choose from but we ended up using wedding tracker for all of their cool functionality!

We'll keep sending out batches of the save the dates this week, so that the server doesn't get over loaded. Because it's through email, I am crossing my fingers that all of my guests get it. Hopefully, they will comment on the site itself, so I'll know they got it.

I would love to put the save the date on my blog, as an example for other brides, but at what point do I risk crossing the line of making something very personal, very public. I don't know.....any thoughts from readers? especially from people who may have already gotten the save the date?

What I will show, for my own indulgence sake, is a screen shot of the save the date. Two months in the making, hours and hours of time in our studio.....this wedding is all about nature, so let's all be a little eco friendly - - - -Yes, it's a video!

The Wedding Decorator RFP

2009-12-29T23:38:00.001-06:00

So the RFP process worked brilliantly. We had five great proposals and had a couple of outstanding conversations based on the proposals. Cross our fingers, we hope we have finalized on our decorator based on these conversations this week. We are SO excited. We are waiting for a round of proposal revisions and then will make our final decision. I don't want to jinx the process by describing the vision - but as soon as we sign the contract, I'll share the entire vision for the decor - - - it is absolutely spectacular, and the decorators were able to get the images I had in my head spot on.....all because of the RFP! Highly recommended!!!

To maximize efficiency in the conversations with these decorators, we focused on the following agenda (for anyone using the RFP method, this agenda will help extract what is important).
1. Have them walk through their proposal in detail - getting them to speak their vision will bring their vision to life
2. Describe your vision and how the two can be blended
3. Talk about any concerns, other ideas, have them send pics of what they are referring to as their inspiration while you are talking
4. Talk about budget

If you stay to this agenda, a good meaningful conversation should take anywhere between an hour to hour and a half, and you should walk away having a very good feel for the creativity and the vision of the decorator....along with what it is like to work with them.

I am so excited! This is the fun part!!!!!

Wedding Decorators

2009-12-22T15:40:00.000-06:00

I feel like I haven't written - again - in so long. But this totally goes hand-in-hand with also feeling like I am WAY behind on wedding planning and totally consumed with work. I spent two very tough weeks in Europe for work and then came back for a few days and then went to Cabo for a week of vacation for my birthday! Although it was all fun, it's now the holidays....tons of work....and well, 7 months till IDD - "i do day".

I thought I would write this next post about decorators. There are SO many decorators out there - ones who are truly decor consultants and should be working in the creative department of an ad agency and others are florist who are brilliant at their craft and make amazing centerpieces, but need your guidance on an overall vision.

I knew from the get-go that I wanted a theme and a vision around the entire event. So, as Amy and I began talking about decorators and the spectrum of options, my head began to hurt. How could someone put a price tag on something that isn't yet tangible? Would they be able to create the vision I had in my mind? How much creative ownership would they let me have? How much freedom would I have to bring in my own pieces? How consultative would they be? How much input could I give? How nice would they be to work with? These are all valid questions that most brides probably have....and should have....because yet again, the answers vary depending on the decorator.

So, given my business brain, I thought the most efficient and effective way for me to go about this was to create an RFP - Request for Proposal, just like I would create a bid for consulting services at work :-). As Amy will validate, this turned out to be one of the most strategic and helpful things I did....both for me, as well as the decorators we were speaking with. I didn't have 100's of hours to talk to them, and I wanted to quickly get a snapshot of their ideas, their thinking, their creativity, their ability to take my vision and put a design against it.....and I knew that the decorators that would embrace and have fun with this were the ones I would want to work with.

So I created a 4-page RFP that went through an introduction of the two of us getting married - our background - our vision - our story. Then talked a bit about the venue. Then spend the next section talking about themes, visions, elements that were important to me. I described how nature needed to be fundamentally central to each event and I wrote about a page extracting all the images I had in my head into something concise that someone else could understand.

What I asked for in return was simple....I wanted a real business proposal back. Once that showcased their talents. What did they envision for the event? How would they make our dream come alive? What had they done in the past to support these capabilities? How much would it cost? The same stuff I would ask for in any other RFP. And in return I told them what my criteria were in making my selection decisions.

What I got back was very telling. I received a wide spectrum of ideas, which was great. I really was able to discern how these different individuals would approach our wedding and what type of creative out of the box juices they have. It was wonderful. What it did was save my time and energy in having to talk to various people...instead I used their responses to narrow it down to the top two or three that I can now have meaningful detailed conversations with.

I would HIGHLY recommend doing this for anyone - especially those who don't have the luxury of 100's of hours and those who are planning an out of state wedding.

Videographers in need....

2009-12-10T13:26:00.000-06:00

Finding a photographer was a stressful process....but it was stressful in a good way because there were so many great choices. Finding a videographer has not been so easy! We debated for many months on if we even wanted to have a videographer...after huming and hawing over the decision we realized that we would likely regret it if we didn't capture one the most important days of our lives on film.

Given that the videographer is important but not as important as the decor or the photographer, the budget for this service isn't as big as it is for the other two. I thought this would be okay, and I could find someone who was creative and shot the right footage. Well. I've been having some trouble. Most of the videographers that I have seen are either REALLY good and REALLY expensive, or very average. As expected, most of the cost is in post-production editing...and we are even willing to do the post production editing at some other point in time (say a one year anniversary present), but we want the right footage to be shot...in an interesting, non-home-movie perspective. And for this, I don't feel like I should have to pay multiple thousands of dollars. Just seems a bit ridiculous!

I thought I found the perfect person, who fit in my price range and did wonderful work. But, he has been very non-responsive and we just found out the other day that he does not guarantee that he would do the shooting. If another, say bigger, wedding comes up, he would send someone else to ours. Talk about lack of customer focus. I felt like chopped liver!

So, now we continue our search for someone in the So Cal area who is reasonably priced, creative in their approach and has a knowledge of Indian weddings! Know of anyone who fits the bill? Input would be greatly appreciated!!!

Post Storm Decisions

2009-12-06T18:42:00.002-06:00

Hi everyone - Wow. I can't believe it's been almost a month since I have written a post. I think there comes a time in every bride's planning process where taking a break becomes inevitable - be it a nice break because things naturally die down to a lull, or a forced break, like I had, where decisions had to be reconsidered. All in all, a break. Additionally, it's usually during this time that Murphy's law kicks in, and it can feel like the whole ceiling is toppling down. That's what happened this past month. It seemed like every corner I turned, with the wedding and with everything else in my life, it felt like the road was so steep and so arduous. There were times I really felt like I was on an island, and there were other times where I felt like I all wanted was to be on an island. Alone. I think every bride to be goes through this. The set up of a wedding is a lot of fun, but it's also a lot of work. However, underneath the wedding, is an entire life change. They say the three biggest stressors in life are getting married, having kids and loosing a parent. Well, based on that, I imagine every bride goes through what I went through this past month....and the one piece of advise I have is....to just find comfort in the love of your fiance and wether the storm.

So, now that my storm is over - well, at least manageable, onward with the planning.

But first some decisions....

After a whole month of looking at other venue options and feeling like I was beating my head against a wall, we decided that the best thing for us was to stick with what felt right. When we walked into Rancho our hearts just knew that this was the place we were meant to be married. A lot questions made us rethink the practicality of our choice, but in the end we believe there are enough workable solutions to ease the comfort of our guests. The minute we made the decision to stay with what we had, it felt like 500 ton bricks were lifted off our shoulders!

So, how will we ensure the comfort of our guests?
We originally thought that the only option for hotels was in Santa Monica, which is an hour away. My brainiac fiance came up with a brilliant idea that I think will work wonders. Since none of the events are at a hotel, we don't need everyone to stay at one central hotel. In fact, it would be better for them if they could enjoy the beauty of Malibu, and treat this wedding as a mini-vacation. The idea - BEACH HOUSES. In Malibu, like every other vacation city, there are hundreds of georgeous beach front poperties for rent. Families could easily rent these out for the weekend, and it would keep them right in Malibu.

For the people who don't mind doing the gorgeous drive, we would still keep block rooms at a hotel in Santa Monica. And for others who wanted a closer option, and didn't care about the "niceness" of the lodging, there are several beach front surfer type motels in Malibu.
So three very different options, and each guest can choose which is best for them. Amy, our wedding planner, is already on top of finding the details behind renting beach houses. Fingers crossed that it will be an easy process!!!

Driving up the hill versus shuttles was another concern. We still haven't fully found the answer for this yet. We are thinking of having shuttles for people going up and down the hill, but the logistics of that still need to be determined.

Anyway, we made some great progress, and got peace of mind that we have a solid decision made.

We've also been working on a really creative save the date, which I'll write about this week. And I've been working with Amy on choosing a decorator. Since the decor is where the majority of the budget goes, I have developed a detailed RFP (request for proposal) that we are sending out to prospective decor firms to see what it is like to work with them, get a sense for their creativity, and their thinking. I'll write a post on that this week as well!

Glad to be back!!! :-)

The Eye Of The Storm

2009-11-11T09:50:00.004-06:00

Image: www.http://www.sgeier.net/

Hi all - your guest blogger returns!

I know it has been a bit slow on the blog front, but I was thinking about that this morning and I came to the conclusion that it makes sense. After the big rush that was the first few months - from venues to planner to DJ, caterers, and photography, we clearly had a lot on our shoulders and a lot to get through.

With [most] of that now in place, though there are always things to be done, I think it's healthy for us to have taken some time away from all of this to focus on, well, us. We struggled with a lot of things in this wedding planning, but nothing more than who this wedding really is about. It's so easy to just dismiss that statement as "duh! it's about YOU, not your guests." However, I imagine that any of our married Indian friends may know the difficulty in making such a statement. The reality is that at least to some degree, an Indian wedding is not just about the couple - it is about the community. It is about bringing a community together to celebrate both the union itself and also sort of thanking those who have made the bride and groom who they are. I wish I had a more articulate way of putting it, but I don't. In the end, it's just not as easy to be selfish when you're throwing an Indian wedding.

That being said, I'm very happy with our proposed options (coming soon) for how to achieve that balance. We have some great ideas to ensure we get what we want and our guests are happy. Innovative ones. Ideas that will most certainly make their way to this blog.

But this post is not about what those options are. This is about us saying that we need to take a step back and appreciate how far we've come with the planning, and need to just spend some time together, like "the good old days", when the word "wedding" wasn't in every other sentence. I know this sounds a bit selfish here, but even if only a portion of the wedding is truly about us, our lives are almost entirely about us and we can't lose sight of that.

So, we need to go out for sushi again. We need to cook together, drinking wine and listening to music with Anjani in her super cute apron. We need to watch HGTV, FoodTV, and lots and lots of movies again. We need to see our friends again. We need to take trips again (Vienna in 2 weeks and Cabo 2 weeks after that!). We need to go to shows around town (dance show on Sunday!). We need to reclaim our life back during this "eye of the storm". Even if just for a short time, we need it. I think all couples need it.

That is not to say there's no activity at all on the wedding front. We are still working closely with Amy (our planner) to take care of some small things. We still have to finalize inspiration boards, color themes, decorations, etc. Over the last few days, Anjani and I worked very hard on a really cool save-the-date idea, and that's in pretty good shape. I'm really excited with how that project turned out and hopefully our guests will love it, too. Stay tuned on that.

Yes, there's always things that can be done for the wedding. But I urge all couples to take advantage of the "eye of the storm" whenever you get it and take some time for each other and for the relationship. Remind yourselves why you love each other and why you're doing the wedding in the first place!

Until the next one, see you all soon...

The Planning Hiccups

2009-11-03T13:15:00.002-06:00

Rancho Sol Del Pacifico

I know it's been a LONG time since I have written an update. I know, I know.

Here's the deal. I need advise!!!

Everything was going smoothly. More than smooth...we were on a roll getting things crossed off on the checklist.

Until....

Until some very close family members brought up some concerns about having the wedding at the ranch in Malibu. From the getgo, we always planned this to be OUR special day that the guests would share with us. But, WE were the driving force....not our guests. It was OUR special day that would always be remembered, and a day that the guests would likely forget over time....so we were planning it so it would be magical for us. Well, REALITY check.

For anyone planning a wedding at a non-traditional venue (not at a hotel), here are some things (some very REAL and legitimate things) that will inevitably come up:

Where are kids going to be able to nap in between the wedding and the reception?
Where are people going to be able to change or freshen up in between the wedding and the reception?
If it is a summer wedding, where will people freshen up after the bharat?
What is the radius of all of the events over the three to four days, and how will guests be getting there? It's fine if guests need to rent a car, but how far will they be driving in an unknown city.
How long does it take to get from one place to another?

These are all things we thought about moderately, but none were big enough concerns for us. We thought the awe-factor with such majestic Malibu views would eliminate these issues from being big. Probably naive on our part, but that's what we thought. A majority of the people (friends, family) have advised us not to worry about it and to let the guests take care of themselves.

But over the weeks, this issue has just been nagging at us both so we went back to see what our option were. We called Amy, our wedding planner, who was wonderful through the whole process, to help us navigate options.

She came up with a BRILLIANT plan.....have the reception at a hotel closer to the sangeet venue...one that is close to the beach....and one that does indian weddings really well.....and of course, one that is in our budget. And for the wedding, pick a location that is right on the water (so I get my mandap overlooking the ocean on a bluff). This plan was perfect, and everyone would have been happy. In this plan the wedding would have been at Terranea (a gorgeous hotel in Rancho Palos Verdes, on a bluff, overlooking the ocean) and the reception would have been at the Hyatt Long Beach. It took Amy two weeks to get an answer from Terranea - and they said no. - they didn't want to host just the wedding, without a reception. Funny thing is, that the hotel, which is BRAND NEW, is going through bankruptcy (or close to it), yet they feel it is bad PR! Go figure! So, our wonderful plan is no longer an option.

Which puts us back a square 1. I would love to get some of the readers thinking on this one....I don't know what to do!

Here are the current facts (I am pointing out all the negatives to give a picture of what people have trouble over....obviously there are a lot of pros, which were explained in my blog post about the venue here). So, the issues....
1. More than 80% of our guests will be flying in from the Eastt coast or Midwest
2. The central hotel will be in Santa Monica
3. The Sangeet will be in Cerritos on Friday night - - - a 45 min drive from Santa Monica
4. The wedding and reception is in the hills of Malibu on Sat - - - another 45 min drive from Santa Monica in the other direction
5. Given the distance, we are going to have the wedding and the reception in close timing so that people would not be bored. But this means they cannot go change in between, unless we try to get some rooms in this the private estate house, which is questionable.

Here are the things running around my head:
1. We have already put down a hefty deposit for the Malibu ranch, and there is a chance that we might not get it back
2. I want my guests to be happy and stress free, but I need to balance that with what we wanted from our wedding ..... mandap overlooking the ocean, nature, art.....all of that. I can't sacrifice that, RIGHT?
3. I can't blow up my budget and have the entire thing be at Terranea. That, unfortunately, can't happen.
4. We were done with the venue searches....the box was checked.....and it feels exhausting to even think that we have to go looking for something all over again. We tried one option, gave it a damn good effort, and it didn't work out....do we keep looking? And at what point do we tell our concerned family members, that we tried our best but that we couldn't find a reasonable solution? And if so, how do we work out their concerns to the best of our ability?

Or do we make out of state family guest comfort our #1 criteria and diminish focus on everything else (basically shift from having it be "our" day to throwing a really great party)

So, what do I do? I'm going nuts....and need advise!!!

And The Band Played On...

2009-10-19T21:29:00.008-05:00

We arrive at this moment at last. The moment that the groom pushes the bride aside for a little attention of his own. That's right, I'm a part of this wedding, too! Maybe it's not a 50-50 split (guys, you know what I mean), but here I am, usurping Anjani's blog for a little action of my own! Since I have this short moment, I'm going to milk it. Prepare for a long post!

I wanted to talk about a major decision that was made several weeks ago and I've been neglecting to share. I believe, based on advice from others, that us guys must "pick our battles". Think about the few things that really matter to you about a wedding, and for the others, let your beautiful bride take the reins and just provide as much support as possible.

With that, for me, there are a few things that I hold very dear to my heart when it comes to this wedding. First, I am a product of my community - the family and friends who have held me up over the years. Simply put, I don't want to leave ANYONE off the list. They all mean so much to me and I don't want to omit anyone. Being Indian means that you are part of a large community, and I've been taught to embrace that in my family, personal, and professional life. In my mind, a small wedding is simply not an option! The guest list is one area where I will (and have) certainly been vocal and an active contributer.

Second, I think many Indian-Americans grow up feeling like evangelists of that other half, culturally, of who we are - the brown half. Combining the two, I've dreamt about having a big wedding, a wedding where I could bring my whole life into one room and share what it means to be Indian with all of those who may not have had that experience. I wanted the "big fat Indian wedding", chock full of color, light, dance, food, saris/kurthas, and, yes, ME ON A HORSE. It's who I am. It's who we are.

Finally, for those who know me, my whole life seems to be in song. I am a musician, and that permeates throughout every aspect of my life. I simply cannot have the party of a lifetime and let some guy ruin it by playing "Celebration", the Electric Slide, the Grease Megamix (oh god!), or other garbage like that. Music snob? You better believe it.

Anjani knew that if anything was important to me, the choice of music was it. From day one, she put me in charge of selecting our music approach and made it clear to everyone that it was my territory. Here's how I did it, using Aaron Copland's 4 building blocks of music to organize my thoughts:

1) Rhythm (DJ vs Live Band)
I think for Indians, this is a far easier question to answer than some of my non-Indian friends. Quite simply put, I have never seen a band play all the Indian songs that need to be played at a wedding with any level of quality. Bands are just not versatile enough to play everything from bhangra to bollywood to Sigur Ros (duh) and Madonna (yes, I said it). It's impossible, and that's coming from a musician! We needed a DJ. Don't get me wrong, there are live musicians that can handle portions of the overall event, but that comes at a considerable cost and still loses some versatility. Give me an iPod and speakers, and we got this thing covered!

2) Melody (Theme)
Just like decor, photography, fashion, etc, music needs to have a theme. In order to do that, think about the events you're holding that require music. For us, that meant Sangeet, Bharaat, Wedding, Cocktail Hour, and Reception. Again, just like those other aspects of a wedding, I believe you should want a consistent approach throughout for the music. After much deliberation, I decided that the best way to handle this was this: "the music of our lives". I want EVERY song I hear to be representative of something in my life; I want this to be a journey of our lives through music. That means everything from the innocent Indian music of the 50's and 60's that we listened to as children, sitting in our station wagon with our parents lecturing us about Kishore Kumar, Jagjit Singh, Mukesh, Mohammed Rafi, and, yes, Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle. That means Michael Jackson and Madonna. That might even mean grunge (Anjani, pretend you didn't read that). That most definitely means Sigur Ros.

So there's my melody - a journey through our lives.

3) Tone (The DJ)
With the decision to go with a DJ and the theme in place, I started making the calls. My first call was to the guy who every Indian couple knows. That's right, DJ Magic Mike out of NJ/NY. Mike has done at least 3 Bhargava weddings, including my brother's many years ago as well as two of my cousins, and is one of the most well known and polished Indian DJs out there. It was a no-brainer to call him first. That being said, even though he was ready to give us a great "family discount", I had to consider a few things. (1) Mike is in NJ and so we'd have to pay for 2 plane tickets and hotel rooms for him and his assistant, and (2) Mike's equipment is in NJ and so we'd have to pay for him to rent equipment in Los Angeles. The costs were going to add up. That option still available to us, I decided to call a few DJs in the LA area as recommended by our wedding planner, Amy Patel. A few calls into it, I stumbled upon Umair Zubair from Riamu Entertainment. An hour into the phone conversation, I knew I had my man. I connected with him because not only did he understand and appreciate my theme and approach, but he was the only person I talked to who was equally interested in getting to know US, the couple, and being involved with us from now until the date. He wanted a partnership. To those reading, I would say this, choose a vendor who makes you feel special and wants to be your partner. It will make all the difference in the world because they will equally be committed to delivering a world class event for you! For us, Umair is that guy and we can't wait to work with him over the next year!

4) Harmony (Supporting Cast)
Finally, with Umair in place, it was time to talk about some finishing touches to get us going. This is a process that is only just underway, so expect more update over the course of the next year. That being said, we started talking about live singers for the garba on Friday, dhol players for the bharaat, live shennai players, etc. In the end, for me, the biggest place to enhance the experience tremendously with live musicians is in the bharaat with dhol players. Lo and behold, Umair stepped up and offered us TWO dhol players for that! Wow, that is going to be a powerful rhythmic force - perfect for yours truly's journey upon my majestic beast. We'll just have to see how the other supporting cast shapes up, but I'm truly excited about it all.

So there you have it. We have a DJ and are ready to rock. So far, I couldn't be happier with our choice and I think we took the right amount of care in making the decision. All I can say now is start working on all your Indian dance moves - loosen those shoulders and practice "screwing in light bulbs". If you don't know what I mean, you'll know soon enough!

Thanks for reading! Anjani, the controls are now back in your hands...

Engagement Party

2009-10-19T15:48:00.001-05:00

Ok folks. I know I never said anything about the engagement party - and I haven't returned most people's phone calls regarding last weekend. I know, I know...

I needed the time to process everything. It was a BIG weekend, and for anyone that thinks that engagement party is just a party.....think again. For a bride, I guarantee, it will be an emotional day.....especially an Indian bride. It's like a little mini wedding - and well, I was overwhelmed. It's a bit nerve wrecking because there were only 30 people there - - - - there will be 300 people at the wedding!!! Geez.

So, what makes these things so nerve wrecking. First of all, as a bride you make sure everyone is on their best behavior - - - and we literally take it upon ourselves to manage everyone's expectations. Lesson learned - - - let it go, and use the time instead to soak the event in.

Next, we get dressed up like little mini brides. I got dressed up at home with my mom helping me....um......emotional! Then seeing my dad, having him see me.....ummmm.......emotional! Word of advise....I have none. I don't know how to deal with this part. Indian parents always seem to feel that they are "giving away" a daughter, and with that comes emotion....don't fight it, I guess.

Next up, the puja - - - it's like a mini wedding. Someone told me yesterday that had we sat there for an hour more, we could have just gotten married! It was nice, but make no mistake that you are THE center of attention. Brace yourself!

All else is amazing and overwhelming - - - the swarming of people to say congrats and give gifts ranging from silver coins to nuts to saris to jewelry, one after another....I still don't remember who gave what, they were coming so quickly. One of the best gifts we received is a picture from Saurab's uncle of Lord Hanuman with his mother, Anjani (yes, thats where my name came from, sort of...). I had never seen a picture of Anjani displayed in any temple. Supposedly there is only one temple in India that has a statue of Hanuman with Anjani, and Saurab's uncle went there to take the picture and send it to us. So so so amazing!

All in all it was a very emotional and blessed weekend. My parents were in town from LA for the whole thing, along with my maid of honor Poorvi, who came in for this from Boston. It meant the world to me that they were all here. Saurab's brother also flew in from DC with the whole family, which was great. When we first planned this, there were only supposed to be immediate family members at the ceremony, but, unbeknown to us we had chosen a weekend that overlapped with the IIT conference and the Chicago marathon, so 20 or so additional members of Saurab's family was there. It was nice that they could all meet my parents, so that during the wedding they'll have some level of familiarity. All in all, about 30 people, lots of food, lots of mithai (sweets), lots of gifts, lots of emotions, and lots of love.

So, the pictures that make me remember....

The bringing of the gifts....my mom had made by hand such an amazing draping over the box of gifts they had for Saurab. It was amazing.

Now, I am finally officially engaged......goes by in a blink of an eye!

from no name blogger to ZEN RANI...

2009-10-19T12:44:00.003-05:00

I have been asked by Shawna from Maharaniweddings.com, one of the ONLY indian bridal websites/blogs around to be one of their Rani's and start blogging on their site. I am SO excited to share my experience on a national, and possibly international level. They have quite a large readership community, so this is a real privilege. So, now you can follow me either here or on Maharaniweddings.com(although it will probably take a while to get my blog caught up to current over there)! My online tag name is Zen Rani.....how fitting!!! SO E-X-C-I-T-I-N-G.

All my blog posts will be linked up between their site and this site, so keep reading - either place!

Yea!

Anticipation for the Weekend....

2009-10-15T09:23:00.001-05:00

I got an email from Gabriel yesterday, sooner than I expected, saying that our engagement pictures were done! YAY! I am SO excited. I asked him if he could share a few of his favorites to inspire me till this weekend when I can get the DVD. Here is what he sent. WOW! It nearly brought tears to my eyes.

I have all the faith in the world in our wedding photographer, Joe Photo. But, these shots that Gabriel took make me want to fly him out to shoot the wedding. Aren't they AMAZING!!!!

This looks like we are in an enchanted secret garden. (and oh, by the way, this is not highly photo shopped....he's got some mad skills!)

I love this image of me....vain, I know....but I just love it....

and this one is just fun....and so us....

In all honesty, I have seen lots of engagement pictures in my search for photographers. Regardless of the fact that we are in the pictures, these shots are the best shots I have ever seen. I would highly encourage anyone in the Chicago area to hire Gabriel from Radiance of Light for their shoot.

I can't wait to get the DVD this weekend....it'll be our Diwali gift! :-)

My Tuesday Inspiration Finds...

2009-10-13T23:05:00.000-05:00

Tell me, is this not the most stunning wedding ever....

Shawna & Anand's Same Day Edit from Montage, Laguna Beach from Julie Hill on Vimeo.

And talk about gorgeous jewelry...

...gorgeous mandaps....

....oh so nature, oh so green, oh so creative and oh so right for Anjani....I think this is "THE" inspiration....

....and a STUNNING twist on an indian reception...WOW!

Inspiration Colors and Themes

2009-10-12T18:17:00.005-05:00

The engagement festivities are officially done. It was an exhausting weekend, and as I am processing all of the pictures, I am also still processing all of the events in my mind. It went by fast - that's for certain. I'll write more when I have some pictures loaded from camera...

In the meantime, I was perusing some websites tonight and found this....Can I just say WOW. This throws a monkey wrench in my reception decor inspiration board that I last posted....but it's a good monkey wrench....this is outrageously gorgeous!!! Hmmmm.....is it back to the drawing board on color schemes and decor?

BUT....then I also saw this.....which is a incredibly accurate version of the colors I had in mind for the reception. The greens and the purples go together SO well....

and the nature theme....

Or the soft, romantic themes...

So, couple inspirations here....
1. bright, sunny and cheery
2. sophisticated, nature, jewel tone
3. nature, "organic", earthy
4. romantic, soft, pretty

hmmmmmm......decisions decisions......and tomorrow I'll probably have six other choices!

And...do any of these go better with our ORIGINAL theme for the entire week of events - "ocean-nature-art"?

More Inspiration Boards

2009-10-09T03:53:00.001-05:00

It is currently 3:44AM in Chicago. Our engagement party is on Sat, and I would love to say that the reason I am awake is because of all the anticipation to Saturday - but alas, I am only awake because I am on a 7 hour conference call with work that is happening in Paris - that I couldn't attend in person because I wouldn't have made it back for the engagement puja. Ah - the things we do - at least my priorities are in order! BUT - I am fighting to stay awake so I thought I would make another inspiration board with the pictures I have been collecting! :-)

One of the next decisions that our planner, Amy, is encouraging us to make quickly is the decorator. I have looked at many designs and many different types of flower / centerpiece arrangements...and I like to many of them. But, I think there is a common theme - - - nature, elements (water, fire, life) and elegant. So, here is a sample of things that have "struck" me....

When I think about color palates, I am always in awe when I see deep jewel colors - like deep purple. Isn't this just beautiful? Haven't totally decided on colors yet, but this is certainly a possibility....

Ok, that's all for now....and probably the whole weekend - given that I'll be asleep most of the day today and the weekend will be filled with festivities. I can't wait to write about the engagement party!

Back to paying attention.....

Engagement Pics....WOW....that was Quick!

2009-10-07T11:12:00.003-05:00

I just wrote the post on our great weekend shooting our engagement pics. I was fully expecting that it would take a couple of weeks to see the pictures. I randomly went on to the Radiance of Light website and I found that we made front page. Holy Cow. And I love this picture. Thanks, Gabriel...I can't wait to see the rest!

Engagement Pictures!

2009-10-07T11:04:00.003-05:00

Last weekend was our first execution of a real wedding event. We took our Engagement Pictures!!! Being a photographer, I was surprisingly comfortable being in front of the camera versus behind it. We both had a blast. Most photographers will give you a 2 hour engagement package as part of the entire wedding photography package. But, we could not do this since we needed our engagement pictures to be in Chicago and the wedding is in California. So, I scoured all the photographers in Chicago to find Gabriel and Lidia of Radiance of Light .

Given that this was just an engagement shoot they gave us over 5 hours of shoot time. Try being a model for 5 hours straight....it was exhausting....but so so so much fun!!! I have fully lived my little girl dream of being a model :-).

We started our shoot in Glenview Woods, where Gabriel has shot pics like this....

We then went to the Botanical Gardens, which of course, holds very special meaning for us (where we met and where we got engaged)....and yes, we shot tons of pictures with our beloved tree!

Surprisingly, Saurab really got into it as well. He didn't complain once, and at times I think he was having more fun in front of the camera than me!

I can't wait to get the pictures. It should take a couple weeks to process and get all the Pics on a DVD. I am so excited!!! I think it will be hard choosing one or two to go on our save the date! I'll have to enlist some help in choosing....

Said and done, here are some tips for choosing an engagement photographer:
1. It 's not a bad idea to have a separate engagement and wedding photographer. You can get comfortable with the camera, and learn multiple styles. With one photographer, you are stuck with their style and their way of "seeing through the lens"
2. You don't have to go all out for engagement photographers. Being a photographer myself, I think this is a great opportunity to find a "diamond in the rough" and go with a photographer that is up and coming, and trying to get their business off the ground. They will be willing to work with you a lot more and they'll give you 110% of what they've got....and you get to help out a budding career by being a reference. It's a win-win.
3. So, how do you find the Gabriel's of the world, that have SO much talent and catch them before they become "famous"? My advise is to start with flickr.com. Put in some search critiera that makes sense for the type of pictures you want. I typed in "indian wedding" because I wanted someone who had shot people in indian clothes. Several contenders came up - some of which we professional, some of which were amateur, and some of which were...well, miscategorized. So, there is some leg work involved...but it's fun and at the end of the process, you will end up with someone as wonderful at Gabriel and Lidia. OR if you are in Chicago, just cut the leg work and hire Radiance of Light! :-)

This weekend is our engagement party!!! Yay....this is becoming more and more real!

Inspiration Boards

2009-10-01T12:04:00.002-05:00

On the plane ride home from Raleigh yesterday, I was thinking about how much we have accomplished for the wedding already, and how many pictures I have running through my head on color palates, decor and flowers....all the fun stuff. I realized I haven't shared any of that on this blog....so it was time to make an inspiration board. This is the part I have been waiting for...in my opinion, the funnest part of the planning. Here is one of my wedding ceremony inspiration boards. I am also working on one for the reception, and the other events. So, what do you guys think?

Advise to any bride - go crazy making inspiration boards and let your creative energy flow. You don't need to do things exactly the way your vendors recommend. These inspiration boards are a great way of communicating to your vendors (florist, for example) exactly what you want and the overall theme you are going for....it's your wedding....it should be your ideas.

My wedding inspiration board: (click on image for larger view)
Excuse the spelling errors...I see two of them on the board)...I made the board in PS and merged all the layers already so it would take hours to go back and change :-(

So...basic themes....intricate, flowy, nature based, gardeny....

Thoughts? Really looking for input...

I ordered a hula hoop!!!

2009-09-30T01:14:00.002-05:00

Today I registered us on Wedding Wire which is a great site for managing everything wedding related...including timelines. The first thing that popped up on our new wedding wire homepage was "297 days till your wedding". OMG - - - I really am getting married...in less than a year...aren't I? This planning business isn't just for fun, is it? Oh BOY!

There were a series of thoughts running through my head - the most prevalent of them being - - - when did I last see my trainer at the gym? How do get in shape so I can look stunning in 297 days?

I need a regimented exercise and diet plan. I need to loose at least 15 pounds...minimum. If there is one event to seriously commit to eating boring food and screaming of pain the day after the gym, it's this event! So, I am going to see my trainer this week when I get back to Chicago (i'm in Raleigh - again). Whew...at least I have a trainer...that's step 1.

Then I remembered what Vanti (Saurab's cousin who got married in July) told me....she said that the six pack abs she was sporting during her wedding was from hula hooping. I quickly called her trainer, Pam of HOOLALA HOOPS , who makes these weighted hula hoops...and am crossing my fingers. I haven't hula hooped since the 5th grade. This should be FUN! See how much fun this girl is having - and look at her abs!!! Bring on the hoola...

I'll need more than just a hoola hoop though. Any of you have a workout and diet regimen that you believe in, that you've seen results for? I should just go back to doing Tango 4 times a week...but well, that's got it's own challenges right now with my crazy work schedule! If you guys have ideas...let me know.

Would you rely on hula hooping to loose 15 pounds and shape your abs?(take my little poll on the right)

The BIGGEST box checked: Photographer - DONE!

2009-09-27T19:24:00.010-05:00

I am so excited to share that today we checked the photographer box - the box that I have been working so hard on since the week we were engaged! I have now looked at over 50 photographers, and based on a list of 15 criteria we have chosen to go with Joe Photo.I found Joe a couple weeks ago through another photographer I was speaking with, and when I saw his website, I absolutely fell in love with his work. In essence the 15 criteria boiled down to these couple of things.....

Someone who:

had a fantastic eye for capturing moments,
was artistic and could turn any photo into an art piece
could take glamour and high fashion shots
was dynamite at post-processing and put just as much time and care into making a photo pop as the time it took to shoot the event
knew the intricacies of an Indian wedding and knows what to capture
who gave us ALL the images, including the post processed images (which not all of them do)
was collaborative and a pleasure to work with.

Joe's work embodies all of those things, and Joe himself is a wonderful person who I was able to connect with over a long phone conversation. Joe also happens to be one of the top photographers in SoCal and widely publishes his work! He took the time to understand who we were, what we needed and what was most important to us. There are many good photographers out there, but it's the connection that you feel to a photographer that lets you know that they are the right one for your big moment. Joe, welcome aboard to the team!

Given that there were many wonderful and talented photographers we looked at, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the list of people who made the top of our list of Southern California photographers in hopes that it can be a helpful starting place for other brides on this journey.

Ahmed from AA Creations (good at understanding your needs and putting together custom packages, good pricing, good amount of creative, good post processing, and all around positive, understands Indian weddings very well, everything was solid, and he was willing to give me all of his RAW files....which is HUGE for a photographer. At the end of the day, our choice came down to AA Creations and Joe.)
Dina from Andrena Photography (extremely artistic, wonderful collaborator, beautiful work, but does not give post processed images on DVD)
Megan from Megan Stark Photography (wonderful collaborator, very very good at the photojounalistic style and capturing amazing moments, works with real lighting and doesn't do too much post processing, more talent on capturing moments than the glamour shots)
Tony Florez (awesome post processing, great shots, good follow-up, and can really get into the Indian market - just needs to do more and more of them to build a big enough portfolio)
Yogi Patel from Global Photography (great artistic ability, but very Indian. He's won many awards for his artistic talents, but at the end of the day it just wasn't our style)
Ryan Phillips (gorgeous photography in every way - artistic, photojournalistic, stylistic, you name it and he's got the skill. He wasn't available for our date, and dealing with the communications with him through the process left an extremely sour taste. This is where no matter how good the work is, you have to make sure that there is a relationship and a partnership)
Eric Tom (new comer in the field, and is often a second shooter for one of the other photographers I mentioned, he's talented and has potential, but hasn't shot any Hindu weddings - only Paki and Afgan weddings)
Jessica Verma (great eye, not sure how much of the post processing polishing I saw, but I didn't look into her too much because I didn't see Indian weddings, but worth looking at since she was highly recommended by my bhabhi)

So, that's that. I can't tell you the weight that has been relieved from my shoulders just in making this decision!

My piece of advise to any bride is to settle on your criteria based on what is important to you. There are MANY talented photographers out there, and if you don't know what you are looking for it will be a completely overwhelming process. The other side of it is - try to not be too stringent on what you are looking for (if possible) because otherwise, you will end up like me...completely stressed out and cross eyed after looking at thousands of photos!!!

It's been a while...

2009-09-26T23:57:00.002-05:00

I know it's been a while since I have last posted anything...

What to say....there has been SO SO SO SO much going on in the last two weeks. Some highlights....

All sangeet venues had to be scrapped and we had to start the search from scratch due to incorrect capacity quotes or incorrect availability responses. VERY frustrating. But, I think we may have a place nearly selected, so stay tuned. If it wasn't for all the help from my parents going from venue to venue, this one topic would have put me over the edge.
I have now looked at over 50 photographers. Both original photographers, Andrina and Megan, are still in the running but are not getting us everything we need and want. I have a very narrow list of three photographers I would like to decide between this weekend. In my head, and in my heart, I think I have the decision made....I just have to go through all of the samples one last time (hopefully tomorrow) and make a final decision.
We've looked at the budget inside out about 50 times...re-adjusted, re-thought, re-everything you can imagine....and the aweful truth that we can't deny is that indian weddings are just darn expensive. Let's just say, though, that the spreadsheet is now SEVEN excel tabs long! Can we say obsessive?
I met with a decorator and started thinking about themes, flow, colors and storyboarding out the entire day. This is going to be the funnest part!
The DJ is almost locked in. Saurab has been working this part, and I have tried my best to stay out of his way.
I got my hair cut the other day and my stylist, Dana said she would fly out to LA to do my hair.....definitely something to consider since she's been doing my hair for five years!
Our engagement pics are next weekend....need to start preparing for that....and our actual engagement is the week after that....oh boy!

Not to mention....I have been spending most of my time in Raleigh these days....week after week. So, that's a quick update of where things are......things are QUITE hectic.

Sangeet Venues

2009-09-20T17:30:00.008-05:00

Given our criteria for the Sangeet, my parents and I have been working long and hard (hours and hours) to find a venue that will fit the program, that is near the rest of the events, fit our guest list, and fit our budget. Most importantly we needed a venue large enough to have space for a garba, and seating for dinner. Try finding a venue to meet these criteria in LA - not easy.

We have looked at all options - interesting and non, cliche and unique, small and large...including The Santa Monica Airport Hanger #8, The Bungalow Club, The Pacific Electric Event & Filming Location, The Beverly Hilton, The Kyoto Grand, the Vibiana, and the Rio Hondo Country Club in Downey of all places -yuk. Searching high and low....we are down to two options...

Option 1: The Cerritos Library . Hmmm....a library? Huh? Yea, a library. It's gorgeous! My parents found this place and I said the same thing - huh? - but it works. Don't judge till you click on the link and see the pictures. Amy, our wedding planner, went with them to check it out and it's a definite contender. It would be unique, and it would be fun. It's totally modern and a lot of what we need would be covered. There are only two downsides...

It can hold MAX 200 people inside and outside. So, if we do the Garba inside the auditorium, and have the seating for the food outside, it can work. But we would have to cut down the current 300 person wedding guest list to 200 for this one event. Tough, but can be done.
It's about a 45 minute drive from Santa Monica, which will be the HQ for the whole weekend. We risk our out of town guests getting lost and having to drive a bit.
This dance inside, eat outside thing is a little different, but can be a good different.

Option 2: The Santa Monica Woman's Club. Hmmm...Womans Club? What's that? Yep, I said the same thing. But there are so many benefits to this place. It's beautifully historic, it's in Santa Monica (the HQ for the weekend), it has a 400 person capacity so we wouldn't need to cut our guest list. Again, here there are only two downsides...

It's double the cost. Which is okay, because both are less expensive than a hotel. But, this is a factor.
It's old. The library is brand new and modern. This is old and it's historic - so not modern.

We definitely don't want to go all out for the Sangeet - we want it to be fun but not a mini scale of the wedding. So, we have our two choices and we'll have to make a decision quick since things are booking up FAST!

Decorated well, I think both these places can work. Question is...which one?

Wish us luck...

The Sangeet

2009-09-20T17:04:00.006-05:00

Next on the list of time sensitive lock-downs was the venue for the Sangeet.

Saurab and I have always known that we wanted to do a Sangeet, however, neither of us knew the traditional definition of the sangeet. So, I looked it up....here is what iloveindia.com has to say...
The sangeet ceremony is also known as ‘gaun’. This custom heightens the excitement of wedding festivities. In the earlier days the custom of gaun used to last for ten days but with the passage of time, it has reduced to a one night function. At the bride's home women relatives and friends play the dholki and sing suhaag, which is a traditional folk song. Songs include 'jokes' about the in-laws, and would be husband how to have a successful marriage like and songs about the bride leaving her parents home. Similarly the women at the groom's home sing songs called ghoriya.

Traditionally, the sangeet parties we done seperately, in the boys and girls homes. But now, it is a joint affair before the marriage ceremony, and is a platform developing familiarity of the bride and groom with each others family.

Though sangeet function is an important pre-wedding function of all north Indian weddings, it is most popular trend among Gujaratis and Punjabis. Among the Gujaratis Garba dance is a favored alternative.

SO, there we have it. We have to do a Sangeet, and it will have to be somewhat traditional! For us, it will be the night before the wedding - Friday, July 23rd (venue yet to be decided). We will have a few of the traditional things:
1. A full garba to honor my Gujarati side
2. Mendhi so that people who want to get henna done on thier hands can do so
3. Song and dance
4. A full guest list so that both sides of the wedding invitees can meet each other

However, we are also going to make it our own by...
1. Turning the song and dance segment into an "evening of the arts" where people can showcase their unique talents, be it song, dance, film, or anything else.
2. We'll have a dinner ,but it will be a casual fun fair event. So, we have decided to set up Bombay style "chat" stations....pani puri, bhel, dhosa, chat puri, and all sorts of yummy goodness.

It's going to be LOADS of fun and tee things up nicely for the next day. Now, we just need to find a venue that will hold 250 to 300 people!

Venue Locked Down!!!

2009-09-15T11:37:00.019-05:00

I am LOVING the comments on the blog posts....now I feel like people are actually reading what I write versus it being an online black hole diary in Internet space!

The last time I talked about venues, I mentioned that there was a definite top contender but that I didn't want to jinx anything until we signed the contract. As of today, the contract is SIGNED!!!

On July 24th, 2010 we will be getting married at Rancho Sol Del Pacifico, a private estate perched on the hills of Malibu overlooking the ocean and the mountains. Finding this place was no easy task and getting there was even more daunting...once you find the street to turn on from PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) it is a steep windy narrow road ALL the way up the hill till you get to this 26 acre estate. Everything will be outside...the mandap, the reception...everything under a hopefully full moon sky!

The place is up so high that there are sweeping views of the ocean but it's too high to hear the ocean. That was my biggest issue with locking this place down...I wanted the ocean...but at the end of the day (after looking at about 20 more places over the web), the beauty of this entire place makes up for the sound of the ocean. Maybe one of my bridesmaids can bring an ocean sounds CD and play it during the whole event :-)

When Saurab and I entered the estate, in our hearts we just knew that this was it. It matched our theme of "ocean-nature-art" perfectly. Al, the owner, is a stunningly successful businessman who has created a haven with vineyards, horses, and a Mediterranean villa surrounded by hills, mountains and the ocean. I can't think of anything that matches what we were looking for more perfectly. AND the best part....IT'S NOT A HOTEL!!!! Yea!!! I really thought I would have to end up settling for a hotel given how much I was griping about it. It not being a hotel does pose some interesting challenges, such as having shuttle transportation for our guests to go up and down the hill, having another blocked hotel in Santa Monica (which is 30 min away) where guests can stay, etc etc....but we can work those details out....at the end of the day, it will be a magical event at a magical place...and it will be different than anything anyone has ever been to!

Ironically, in the days of venue hunting, I had either forgotten my camera or never thought about taking pictures at any venue other than this one. That was a sign in and of itself....

As I mentioned, Al breeds thoroughbred horses at his estate. So Saurab, got to meet the horse he'll be riding in on...

Also, Al, is a musician, like Saurab. Saurab got to play on his 100 year old Steinway piano with original ivory keys for nearly half an hour. When he plays the piano I can't even describe the energy that permeates with the sound of every key...it's almost as if he filled Al's house with his soul through his music. He got a huge applaud from the Sony team that was filming there...and he made my whole family quite emotional! It was brilliant. Given this experience, selecting this location was also a no brainer!

We then went back down the hill in all our excitement and had some amazing fish tacos and then drove to San Diego. My mom was very reluctant to let her future son in law leave :0)

Bridesmaides: Roshni

2009-09-15T11:10:00.002-05:00

Another Bridesmaid locked in with a resounding yes! I am so happy. This one was probably one of the more emotional conversations because I don't think Roshni expected it and was taken by surprise. She kept saying "Are you sure?" .... Yes, I'm sure!!! It was so cute. I asked her last weekend, and would have posted sooner, but I was stuck in Raleigh most of the week last week working day and night.

So, dear Roshni....what can I say about her! Well, out of all of my bridesmaid friends I have known her the least longest. She and I met about two years ago at a New Years Eve party in Chicago, and interestingly enough, she picked me up! :-) Gave me the whole line and everything. Reality of the story is that her boyfriend's (now husband's) cousin asked her to be his wing-woman...she happily obliged. The cousin didn't work out, but the more important relationship did....I got a life long friend! We then realized how small of a world this is. She lives in Columbus, OH and during the time I was going to Columbus on a weekly basis for work. So, we got close real fast....she was my one exciting reason to hop on a plane to C-bus everyweek! That was an interesting time! She also was a trooper and accompanied me to a psychic one day (don't ask!!!) and had to sit out in the car during the frigid hell of winter because the psychic wouldn't let her come in - - - she said her spirits would interfere with my spirits and she wouldn't get an accurate reading. Again, don't ask....just take from this that she is a dynamite friend and a real trooper! :-)

When Roshni was so surpirsed I asked her to take on this role, it surprised me that she was surprised.....she was the friend I called the week after I got engaged when I got queazy stress knots in my stomach and wanted to sit in the corner and read a book! She is the one who really understands the strange nature of my personality and my discomfort with attention, and super extreme feelings....she knows exactly what I mean when I say that I don't like to feel too happy or too sad. She knows, and she doesn't even have to tell me she knows. Our personality DNA is built almost identically. We have both been through a lot and our experiences have somehow shaped us so similarly. Sometimes when you meet certain people you know it was meant to be and that they are meant to be in your life for a long long time...she is one of those people. She's just as cookey and as much of a nut as I am...and that's why I love her...in addition to her being an absolute sweetheart and a phenomenal friend that is always there for support. Always. Thanks, Roshni!

Wedding Photographer...Need Opinions

2009-09-09T15:38:00.005-05:00

Well, now comes a time where we are forced to make a decision quick. The dates we have chosen for the wedding are either July 24th or July 31st. The venue we are looking at is available both dates, as is our wedding planner. The photographer, however, is not. One of them is tentatively speaking with another couple for the July 24th date.

Here is where I need the help. As many of you know, I consider myself to be a photographer. So, naturally photography of my wedding is EXTREMELY important to me - and it's important that they are very very good. I have narrowed it down to two photographers that have an excellent eye, an exquisite artistic ability, and have done Indian weddings.

What I need input on is the following:
1. Is one better than the other?
2. Are there any others that I should be looking at?
3. Has anyone worked with either of these photographers?

Both of these photographers are REALLY REALLY REALLY expensive....more than I ever thought I would ever have to spend for someone clicking a camera....but they are really good. I need to know if there are others that are just as unique and good out there.....help.....

Option #1 is Andrena Photography (click for her portfolio)
Option #2 is Megan Stark (click for her portfolio)

Thoughts???

Wedding Coordinator - Box Checked!

2009-09-08T19:10:00.008-05:00

I'm in Raleigh today for work - I really don't want to be here. I would much rather be at home thinking about the wedding. To make me feel better, I thought I would post a blog about a update.

The venue is ALMOST secured....we are SO close. But, still don't want to jinx it. Also, all bridesmaids are selected and talked with....but since I am not at home I can't get their lovely pictures to post yet.

Last night we secured our wedding planner. I debated back and forth on having a wedding planner versus doing everything myself. When the facts came down to it, we decided on getting a full coordinator because:

1. We are not in LA everyday - so we need the help going to the venue and getting all the logistics in order
2. We absolutely need day-of coordination - I do not want to worry about any detail on my big day.
3. We are dealing with a lot of Indian vendors - which means a lot of negotiating - I don't have the time or the energy, nor do my parents
4. We both have a FULL time job - that takes up most of my evenings as well. I can't possibly do all this heavy lifting.

In doing the research on wedding planners, I learned a couple of key things:
1. Some wedding coordinators are JUST planners - and say they do a lot more but really are just utlra project managers - in which case they are only really good for "day-of" coordination
2. Some wedding planners take on all of the decorations as well - which for an Indian wedding is a HUGE feat! One of the planners I spoke with was an artist - she made her own centerpieces and her goal was to make it a unique and extravagant event for all the guests. These people also charge a pretty penny for their services. I'm sure they are good, but you are really giving up your ideas, your creativity and your control as the bride and groom
3. Some wedding planners sit right in the middle. They are excellent project managers and pride themselves on that, but then also have done enough weddings to have some knowledge on themes, story boarding a layout, color palates, decorations, etc.

The main thing, I have found, in choosing someone is to ask as many questions as you can think of and talk to a couple of references - - -and ask what they did well and what they could have done better.

Given all this, our wedding planner - Amy Patel, from Planning Elegance falls in the third category. She is an awesome project manager and knows enough to be dangerous - - and give sound advise on the other fronts.

Now that she is on board, and we have done tons of research on caterers, decorators, priests, flowers, photographers, etc...I am hoping things will all start falling into place and we can start locking down some contracts!

Below are two videos and a link of weddings she coordinated...it's cute. It's probably a great video to watch for the non-Indians, who want to get an idea of what an Indian wedding is like.

Engagement Photographer - Box Checked!!!

2009-09-05T21:56:00.007-05:00

I love getting text messages and emails about how some of you are getting addicted to my blog. Cracks me up...but i'm touched. It makes me smile to think that there are people following my story. Thanks...Feel free to post your comments directly on the blog. FB is fine too but this blog is looking pretty empty...like no one reads it....I'd love to get your reactions through my journey.

I am extremely excited to report that we have locked in our first thing....our engagement photographer. Usually, the wedding photographer also shoots the engagement pictures, but since the wedding is in LA, we need to the engagement pictures here. And think again if I am flying any photographer out to Chicago or out to LA. NO!

Thanks to everyone who offered their suggestions for photographers in the Chicago land area. There are wonderful people here with some great talent. Again, thanks to Anjali for providing such an extensive list. Also thanks to Shannon, Cyndy, and Shelly for some great recommendations.

At the end of the day, given availabilities and portfolios, I ended up choosing Radiance of Light . Gabriel is a wonderfully talented artist and his work blew me away from the moment I saw it. I even love his tag line - "Telling Your Love Story One Frame At A Time". He is a budding photographer that I found in my photographer community on flickr. I went through probably anywhere from 20-30 photographers and finally found him. Given that I am a photographer, I was looking for a very particular style - - - one that I have not been able to do! And Gabriel's work fits the bill completely....it is so soft and romantic. I am SO SO SO SO SO excited. We met with him today, and it's going to be magical! I can't wait.

Here is his business card, scanned, in case anyone is looking for photographers for anything...I really encourage you to look at his website to see how stunning his work is!

What a hectic week

2009-09-05T21:16:00.016-05:00

This past week was insanely crazy. Work has never been so busy for either of us - and combine that with wedding planning, we were ready to pass out every night. We got a lot done. The venue, the wedding planner and a photographer are almost all locked down. The goal is to have them all secured by the end of this weekend. Let's see...

We also put a budget together....if a couple can get through that, they can get through anything, I believe. And we got through it together swimmingly! Our friend Anjali is getting married next year as well and she sent a template that she worked up, which was extremely helpful. Once in our hands, that template has evolved - - - into 8 tabs in excel - one summary tab and the rest for the possible 7 events we are going to have. This may need to get cut down a bit! :-) Seeing the final number, though, caused a bit of a lump in the back of the throat.....I imagine it does for everyone! :-0 Why oh why do Indian weddings have to be so elaborate!!!

I'll post tomorrow the photographers we are considering as well as the wedding planners, but, for now, I am just going to post the pictures that got both Saurab and I through this extremely tough week! Our one day in San Diego that we had last Sunday...

Weekend of Venues in LA

2009-09-02T12:06:00.026-05:00

This was a very very very big weekend. Saurab and I went to LA to meet my parents, start introducing LA cousins from both sides to each other...and most daunting, look at wedding venues. My brother, Anuj. flew out from Chicago to LA with us. Imagine a boy in his young 20's in a mini van driving with his parents, sister and to-be brother-in-law sitting through California traffic to look at wedding venues. He's a real trooper. He wanted to be a part of this process, and for this I am gratefully touched. He surprises me from time to time! :-)

My parents were thrilled to see us, and the night with the cousins went very very very well. I wish I had the sense to take some pictures of that evening, but we totally forgot. We had Roma, Sameer, Sunit, Nidhi, Suketu, Smita, Mitalee Mayur there from my side, and Sid and Vaishali from Saurab's side. It was great fun! Thanks everyone for coming out.

Now for the wedding venues. Let me start by saying I have NO idea what I was thinking when I had planned an itinerary to see more than one venue a day!!! No idea. Chicago has muddled my memory of LA traffic.

Day 1: We landed Thursday, and after seeing a doctor because I was so sick, we went straight to South Orange County to visit the Laguna Cliffs Marriott. Yes, a hotel....for the girl who did not want any hotels. I know. BUT, it did have stunning views of the ocean, and looked like it was enveloped in nature, so we went to go see it. I liked it - there were some pros and cons, but I liked the place. They also do a TON of Indian weddings there, so they know what they are doing. The part that cracked me up, was a massage for the bride and groom being included after the wedding ceremony - Saurab cringed - he hates the thought of a massage - it pains him to even think about. Interestingly enough, even given the massage, he thought it was a great place to have the ceremony and reception.

Day 2: Friday. Morning. We met with a family friend, Hiren Mody of Party Rental King. Hiren has the largest warehouse of indian wedding supplies and decorations. He gave us really good ideas and considerations for planners and locations.

Afternoon: Today our goal was to go to the LA area. We had planned to also go to a few venues in Palos Verdes, but given that there were wild fires breaking out there, it probably wasn't the best timing. Instead we went to Casa Del Mar. This is a GORGEOUS historic hotel right in Santa Monica on the beach. Everything from the lobby to the ballroom to the archways reflect and old world majestic charm. It is a stunning place, and it's small enough to be cozy, and large enough to hold a crowd of 250 to 300 people. The reception at this place would be in their beautiful ballroom. The wedding, due to the nature of a fire being in an Indian ceremony, would have to be outside. The only outside for them is right on the beach - literally on the sand. Could be a definite possibility. We wanted ocean and nature....there is nothing closer than this. However, it is a public Santa Monica beach. This has some definite implications.

Afternoon Continued. We were next supposed to drive all the way to Huntington Beach to see Hyatt Huntington Beach Resort . The place looks stunning on line. Huge, but stunning. And yes, another hotel. They are right on Pacific Coast Highway, and have enormous garden space for the outside ceremony. They are large though....which means multiple weddings on any given night. And this is a hotel-y as it gets. But, on the beach, tons of gardens, beautiful property. Our largest issue is that we were completely locked in traffic and never made it to see this place. Our party was that night, and there was no way we could be late. So, I'll either have to go back or get all of the cost information over the phone and decide based on Internet pictures and send my parents down to see it.

Day 3: We only had half of our Saturday to look at venues because Saurab and I needed to drive all the way down the coast to San Diego to attend a wedding (the original reason we were in California this weekend to begin with!). So we set out on a journey to Malibu early in the day to go see Rancho Sol Del Pacifico, a private estate perched on the hills of Malibu overlooking the ocean and the mountains. Finding this place was no easy task - thank goodness for Garmin. Once you find the street to turn on from PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) it is a steep windy narrow road ALL the way up the hill till you get to this 26 acre estate. When we got there Sony Pictures was shooting a film there, so there was already chaos. We finally found the owner, Al, who is the nicest and friendliest man ever! He showed us the property and in our conversations I learned that there are quite a few Indian weddings that get done there. Everything is outside...if you look at the pictures on their website, there is a separate area for the mandap.....where the ceremony takes place, and a separate outdoor area (kind of like a pavilion) for the reception. Both sites have sweeping views of the mountains and the Pacific Ocean. However, you are so high up that the ocean can be seen, but not heard. An additional consideration is that, where as a hotel would provide staff, tables, chairs, equipment, china, etc etc.....this is a rental of the grounds....so everything - I mean EVERYTHING would have to be rented and brought in. Everything except the horse and the wine! The unique thing about Al and his estate is that he already has 80 horses that Saurab can choose from to ride in on his bharat. And Al has also gotten into the winery business....there are three varieties of grapes he grows on his vineyards in the 26 acres....and when we sampled the wine it was DELICIOUS. These two extras (along with many other not so exciting extras) are all additional fees, of course...but they are there if we so choose.

Day 4: Sunday. This was our day to relax. I didn't want to think about weddings, venues, flowers, photographers....nothing. So, we spent the day having breakfast on Coronado Island, renting a sailboat and cruising around the harbor for a while, going to La Jolla and sitting on top of the world overlooking the entire ocean (and being above the clouds at times) on the cliffs, and then having a fabulous dinner on the ocean at the Chart House in Cardiff. It was such a exciting, yet hectic weekend that it felt like this day was our honeymoon. It was SO relaxing.

But, as my friends know, my mind was stirring. Saurab and I had a decided top choice for a location out of the ones we considered the whole weekend, but seeing all the places on the water in San Diego made me wonder if I should have been considering San Diego as a destination!!! He was ready to kill me at that point! :-) I did have to check and see if there were any locations that made sense. We stayed at the Mariott in Downtown San Diego, and they had an absolutely beautiful grassy area that jutted out like a peninsula on the harbor. This would be PERFECT for a ceremony, surrounded by water. Alas, I found out the Marriott doesn't own that land...it's called the Embarcadero and it's a public park....which means getting a permit from the city....which means BIG hassle. It's still not 100% put to rest in my mind, but I do understand that getting married in San Diego would be challenging. It's just far enough away from LA to make things inconvenient....possibly. I don't know. Maybe.

Anyway, that was our weekend. At this point, we have not secured a location, but there is definitely a top choice among our options. I would love to know which one you think we chose and why?

I'll let you know what we have chosen after we secure the venue....I don't want to jinx myself! :-)

Bridesmaids: Toyia.

2009-09-02T11:51:00.003-05:00

Last week, I also got a chance to finally have some alone time with my good friend Toyia. This is going to be her first Indian wedding, and I would love for her to see it up close and personal. Toyia has also been with me through thick and thin over the last five years. She and I met when we were both working at Pepsi, doing the exact same thing - sharing ideas, sharing stories, sharing frustrations....and in the process spending a whole lotta time talking about life and all it's intricacies. She and I see the world the same way when it comes to passion, soul and the things that one cannot touch. We are both hopeless romantics and believe strongly in soul connections. We also believe strongly that people come into our lives for a reason, and that she and I were meant to come into each others lives when we did. There was a definite purpose. Call it soul sisters! She has always told me that "when your man comes, you will know" .... well, she was right, when Saurab came along, I was relentless because somewhere inside me I just knew. Glad I listened...

I can't wait to see her all decked out in Indian clothes dancing to the beat of a dhol! Love you, Toyia!!!

Maid of Honor - Poorvi

2009-09-01T12:06:00.006-05:00

Getting sick is a horrible thing to do when you are planning a wedding. I have been sick for about a week and a half, which has slowed down the planning as well as the posting! So, I'll have to reverse a bit and update on the events from last week before I get into the events that took place on our trip to LA this weekend.

But for now.....continuing with the Bridesmaids.

Last week, I finally got a hold of one of my very best friends who has not only been with me through thick and thin, but she was the first to know about this engagement - - - even before me. Saurab stole Poorvi's number in April to start asking about ring designs and what I would or would not like. Seems peculiar that I would choose someone who is able to lie to me so blatantly to be my maid of honor, but alas, it will have to be! :-)

I met Poorvi years ago in Chicago at a "Indian Executive Women's luncheon" .... we were both aspiring type A crazy women early on! :-) Our similarities through our passion around our careers, family, and life made our relationship quickly catapult from friendship to sisterhood. For never having a sister, I don't feel like I am missing out on anything, because I have her. She truly goes beyond a friend. One of the happiest times for me was when I was able to help get things in order for her wedding - from taking pictures at her mendhi to buying very interesting last minute things that she forgot to getting paperwork for her marriage license from her house to decorating her bridal suite.....nothing made me happier. And I know in my heart that she feels the same way. It would be my honor to have her stand beside me and help tie all the loose ends so that I can have a perfect Indian magical day.

Our dream is to one day live on the same street - well, let's start with the same city first - and raise our children together. Geez, thinking about that just warms my heart. Her presence in my life is so important to me. Our similarities and ability to understand one another give me comfort that I am not walking this delicate balance of life, career and love alone. I love you Poorvs.

Engagement Party - Box Checked!

2009-08-21T08:24:00.011-05:00

Wow. Two boxes checked. We're gettin somewhere.

Thanks for all the suggestions and commentary on Facebook regarding my engagement party post. After talking to both parents again, and especially having a heart to heart with my parents I came to realize that I don't know a LOT about the ritual side of the Hindu religion. My preference with this puja was to keep it limited to the immediate family so that Saurab and I wouldn't get distracted and could pay attention to the "priest". I tend to always want to keep things small and private because I just don't like a lot of attention - it makes me feel uncomfortable. I never grew up around hoards of people, so I get easily overwhelmed when there are a lot of people I don't know very well and all the attention is on me. But, what I learned was that a puja is indeed a happy blessed occasion, and so you should have as many people around that would want to bless you. Hmmmm....never thought of it quite that way!

Between the dilemma of people being spread out everywhere across the US, and instinctively wanting to keep this small, I was going down an unconventional path. After learning the right way to do this thing, I now feel 110% comfortable with where we ended up:

Engagement Party will be on Oct. 10th in Chicago. My parents will fly in. His brother will fly in with his family. The rest of us (Saurab's parents, my brother, and us) are already here. We'll invite anyone in the family who is already in Chicago so that no one feels like they need to fly in. We'll do the puja in the morning, have lunch after at home after, then go to the botanical gardens and take proper engagement pictures with the infamous tree, and then go back to his parents house for a formal home dinner. AND - I will wear my sari!!!!! Yea!!!!

I am feeling really good about this now!

Now my only dilemma is that I might have to go to Paris the day before for work. I'll have to pull that off someway, be back in time and be awake no matter what Sat morning.

Next on the list....find a photographer for the engagement pictures. I'll take any recommendations on Chicago wedding photographers. You know I'll be choosy given that I am a photographer as well.

Also next on the list is to narrow down the venues in So Cal that our wonderful task force sent us and set up appointments for next week when we'll be in LA. Now THIS - I am really looking forward to!!!

Bridesmaides: Amber.

2009-08-20T10:18:00.009-05:00

Indian weddings don't typically have bridesmaids or groomsman. However, for Saurab and I, it is important that we honor the people in our lives that have held us up and had a significant impact. Therefore, we are having the wedding parties. We don't quite know what they are supposed to do yet....I guess we'll make it up.....all I am learning is that the wedding party does a lot of work and doesn't just get to stand next to the bride and groom to look pretty. So, trust me, we'll put 'em to work!

I would love to ask each prospective bridesmaid in person, but given that I am on an island in the freakin midwest, I can't. So, yesterday, I made my first phone call. I asked my best friend from high school, Amber, if she would be a bridesmaid. Funny, I am getting more emotional writing about this, then when I actually asked her. I thought it would be this big emotional ordeal, but it was a two minute conversation....resulting in a "yes" and a "okay, great" .... "have no idea what you have to do, but great".

I guess it went that way because she and I have known for over 15 years now that this day would eventually come, and that this question would be asked. The emotion didn't need to be verbalized. She has been one of my best friends through a LOT of good times and has carried me through even more bad times. Her support and friendship has helped me to be who I am today, and I love her for that. I couldn't imagine her not being decked out in Indian clothes standing next to me on my big day. Thanks, Amber...i love you.

Engagement Parties - you'd think this would be easy - we're already engaged!

2009-08-19T19:20:00.024-05:00

What I have learned is that there is an Indian rule - having a private emotional giving of an engagement ring by the future groom doesn't really count - - - one must exchange engagement rings in front of parents, and via a puja (a prayer) in front of the Gods. So, the engagement party is not just a party, it's a religious event.

When the wedding was scheduled to be in Northern California, my parents wanted to host the engagement party in LA. Makes sense, especially given the fact that they have an entire prayer room in their house. But now, the entire wedding is in LA, so it becomes unfair if the engagement party is also in LA. Hence, after many discussions that I won't get into we have decided to have the engagement party in Chicago.

In these conversations I made it very clear that what was important to me was to be able to have a private religious ceremony and wear the sari (Indian outfit) that I have had for the past five years for this particular event!

In my mind, wearing this gorgeous elaborate fancy outfit (pic to the right) for a puja with the family for two hours, is a bit silly. So, I will admit there was a part of me that really wanted a real party - so I could get dressed up in my party outfit. Another however....given that both of our families and friends are spread across the country we would genuinely feel bad if we turned this into a mini wedding and have lots of people flying in. First of all, it's good that Saurab and I agree that the puja should be small, special and restricted to family members only. So, having people fly in for a party afterward, becomes.....well, unnecessary.

BUT, what do I do about my outfit I've had for 5 years? I'll welcome thoughts on this....do I wear it just for the puja and the family dinner? Sounds a bit simple for a lavish outfit, no? Or do I just scrap the whole idea and wear it to the wedding events, like the Sangeet? Thoughts? I dunno.

So, it will be an small core family event that my parents will fly in for, and that Saurab's brother's (Sameer) family will fly in for....and that's it.

Although it took a while (probably about 5 hours of total thinking one Saturday) to come to this solution, it feels like the right decision.

NOW....comes the part that really stumps me. You would think that when two Indian Hindu people get married via Hindu ceremonies the rituals should be pretty straightforward. Nope. My parents do a certain type of puja, called a Satyanarayan puja (which is typically performed before marriage, getting a house, etc etc) and his parents do a Ganesh puja. Both Hindu, both appropriate. But geez! What to do, what to do. Both, I guess. Which is totally fine with me...I figure the more types of prayers we do, the more blessed we'll be! :-) But, boy oh boy, this is the part I thought would be easy!!!

Note to self: Find out about SPECIFIC religious practices from both sides early on...don't just assume that they will be the same...and make sure you understand what you and your finace care about...let the rest of the chips fall as they may.

San Fran - the good, bad, and ugly.

2009-08-18T23:54:00.015-05:00

…continued from yesterday’s post. The first week of actual planning proved to be quite daunting. It make clear that San Fran was nothing short of stupid. Said another way, choosing the most expensive city in the US does not equate to the benefits of having a “destination wedding”. As this stewed in my brain day after day, Friday finally rolled around and we were both exhausted from a long week of work. What followed was an amazing three hour conversation…..and a sight for sore eyes for any project manger…..

A highly recommended process to go through for any couple trying to decide what is important to them. We had a couple of cities we were toying with - - -

San Fran (which basically boiled down to Monterrey)
Cabo (since that is on the water and I have a time share there)
LA (since it’s home for me and it still retains the ocean)

Everytime we tried listing pros and cons we quickly realized that different things were important to both of us. So, what REALLY cleared our heads was to list out our values in choosing a destination……yea, did I mention we were exhausted from a long week or work…yea….this started feeling like work all over again….but it was the right thing to do - - - peeling back the onion one layer at a time.

Our values:

Beach / nature
That people would actually be able to attend
We could get a person on the ground who would be a coordinator
Cost
Feasibility of getting an Indian caterer

We then ranked them by importance. Highest on my ranking was that a beach and nature was involved, highest on his ranking was that people would actually be able to attend.

Based on this, Cabo – as beautiful as it is – had to be eliminated. There is no way people we were going to force family in india get a visa to

mexico

Monterrey also was becoming a weak contender - - - high cost, no family - - - it’s not like this is a one ceremony church wedding….this is a four day event. We have no family in SF….where would the Sangeet be? How about the Mehndhi? What if we need last minute alterations – where would we even begin to go? This was not a good idea, and it was clear. Off the list.

We then had an epiphany. My dear friend, Poorvi’s mom is an Indian wedding planner and decorator and volunteered to do the wedding if we did it in the North Carolina area, where she lives. Saurab went to school at Duke – which is in Raleigh. I effectively work in Raleigh. Hmmmm……should we include the Outer Banks? Hilton Head? Wilmington?

There was some serious consideration, and from a checks and balance it delivered on all of our values….

BUT….this is where process can get in the way of matters of the heart.

I am a West Coast gal….on all levels. The thought of a California girl getting married in North Carolina just made my stomach turn.

So, that left one option ….. back to So Cal.

Called my mom and asked if she would mind hosting the wedding festivities in the area. She was ELATED.

Three hours later – location box checked!

We then put people to work – my parents, his cousin Vaishali, my cousin Roma, and my best friend Amber. We gave them a daunting task - - - find any and all interesting venues from Santa Barbara to San Diego that encompass these three words...

“Ocean – Nature – Art”

The journey has begun!

2009-08-17T21:55:00.001-05:00

"The rock feels like it's found it's proper home on the ring finger...a week of adjusting and now I can't remember what my finger looked like when it was bare. Now we're ready - - - wedding planning starts today. let the madness begin!" :0)

This was a post on facebook on August 10th, one week after being engaged. The seven day journey we have now been on tells me that I need a blog - I need to capture every moment of this creation of a life together, every moment of ahhhh's and every moment of madness. If this can help anyone who sets foot to create an indian wedding from scratch, great. If it's just for me....well let's just say, I'm hoping that it will be an outlet that keeps me in check and keeps me sane during this time! :-)

So far, we have done....nothing.....well, that's not true....we have done LOTS....we just have nothing secured....meaning dates, venues, etc. In the first week of being engaged, the order of priority was to:

1. Shut off all phones and all modes of communication for at least a couple days. As my dad said "The day you get engaged is the most special day of your life (before having children!). The wedding turns into a show, and nothing signifies the love of two people more than the day you get engaged"
2. Get the ring insured
3. Get the ring adjusted so that it fits - securely
4. Keep looking at it, bedazzled, until it starts resting in a grove on your finger and it starts feeling comfortable.

It took me about a week to adjust to having something on my ring finger - a finger that has been sacredly empty for 32 years! But now it feels like it has found it's home, and I can't imagine my finger without the bling. :-)

1. The second week, the order of priority was to find a wedding planner.
We both live in Chicago, I am from LA, and he is from here. Hence we wanted the wedding to be in San Francisco - several reasons - beach, back to the West Coast, we were supposed to be living there, etc etc etc. So, per the plan, I found a great indian wedding planner out there. Talked to her over the phone several times, and discovered the most beautiful venues that comprised exactly what we wanted.

2. However, to begin looking at venues, one must know approximately how many guests may attend. Indian weddings - - - - so, 200? 300? 400? 900? hmmmm.....so we had to back up and put our estimated guest list together. My dear Saurab comes from an extremely large family (80 close direct family members) and I come from an extremely small family who is in the States. Talk about un-even numbers - - - so then how in the world did his guest list and my guest list equally come to about 300 people? That's it - I have too many friends!!! :-)

3. So, 300 people - venue on or near a beach. Shouldn't be a problem, right? RIGHT....think again. If a venue was large enough, it wouldn't allow indian caterers, if a venue allowed indian food, it couldn't hold more than 200 people. And then there were the oh so cliche hotels. Now I understand why so many indian people get married in Westins, Mariotts, Hiltons and the like - - - huge ballrooms and they allow indian food! Ah-ha....there is always a method to the maddness. Indian food or not, I still don't like the notion of getting married or having a reception in a ballroom.....it's like being in an airport....after a while you loose sight of whose wedding you are attending, and even what city you are in. Not my preference (which probably means i'll be sitting in a hotel ballroom come July next year)!

4. So...there is one exception....I don't REALLY consider the Ritz to be a hotel. C'mon....the Ritz is always a piece of art....that's deviation away from "hotel" right? Certainly when the Ritz is the one on Half Moon Bay. The wedding planner showed us this site, and I just about fell over. It was EVERYTHING I was looking for. EVERYTHING. Except for the price. To do an Indian 4-day event-type wedding, there is no way you can scoot out of a $150K price tag at the Ritz. Sorry. Not looking to start our "I do's - forever and always" in debt. Well, there goes that plan!

Guess we have to keep looking....

The journey continues to the next few days where a three hour exercise determined that SF was NOT the destination for the "I do's". More to come tomorrow....since he's already expressing his lack of desire to sit with me as I keep writing the rest of this post! So much FUN!